A grandmother’s sadness: No grandchildren in the future

Yesterday this lady’s daughter of 31 years wrote about her decision to potentially never have any children.  Click here to read “No Kids… No Regrets”.  Today we hear her opinion… as a grandmother not to be… 

Every story has two sides to it…On the one hand, a grandmother wants her daughter to be happy and have a life filled with memories and family life; On the other, the 30 something year old daughter doesn’t intend on having children. How to deal with such a delicate issue?

When I found out that my 32 year old daughter didn’t want to have children I was upset, not only for myself but for her husband who is not 100% sure if that’s what he really wants.  I can only feel that if they make this decision in their 30’s – they may regret it when they are in their 40’s when it will perhaps be too late to become parents.

So what if they can travel and be financially better off, have a good career, better home without juggling kids/career/hobbies but they will not experience the joy of Christmas morning with children opening presents from Santa or saying “I love you Mummy/Daddy” or reading to them before they go to sleep.  My daughter will never know the joy of holding her newborn baby and realizing that this little person is a part of her and the sheer joy of knowing that she helped create this perfect little baby.  She says she doesn’t feel maternal but how can I tell her that her feelings will change when she has her own children?

When I am with my friends and they talk about their grand-children I feel left out of the conversation.  My friends say that having grand-children means so much more to them than when they had their own children and they feel an immense love they can’t remember having with their own children.  I am sad because I’m missing out on something so special.

And now I’m having guilty feelings that maybe it’s because of me that she doesn’t want children.  She could see all the mistakes I made raising children and it’s turned her off ever being a mother!

No mother is perfect and when we become mothers for the first time we really don’t know what we’re doing, hopefully we have good role models in our mothers, sisters or friends who can give reassurance and guidance.

My daughter will never know the joy of looking at her own daughter and hearing her say “That was the best thing I have ever done!” after her first day rowing on the river.

And when she’s an old woman in her 80’s who is going to check on her, take her shopping or visits to the doctor for check-ups or just sit and have a cup of tea and chat about times past as I did with my own mother.

I may not be well off financially, travelled extensively or have the perfect home, but I do have memories of happy little children laughing and playing in our back yard with their friends and neighbours.  Sure, life was busy raising children but somehow I muddled through as most mothers do as I know she would too.

photo: ba1969