When your ex gets remarried 190



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My ex husband recently got remarried and I have to say, I’m absolutely devastated. But apparently, I’m not allowed to be.

So I just want to know if other people felt like me, male or female, when their ex got remarried and moved on? Or is it just me who isn’t OK? Do other people move on and not care one iota what their former spouse is doing?

Keith and I were married for 21 years and we weren’t always the perfect couple, but we were in love. We would do everything together and were great friends, above all else. We had three beautiful boys and it all seemed blissful. That was until he handed me the divorce papers and walked out. I was completely blindsided and when I eventually spoke to him, he just said he simply didn’t love me anymore. I begged him to take me back and try again. We tried to mend our marriage for about a week but it was too different.

He started to go out and socialise in bars, according to our mutual friends, and he met a blonde bombshell. She was everything I wasn’t. He was smitten and within two months, they were engaged. But I was still in love with him. Just because someone stops loving you, doesn’t mean you can’t turn off that switch. You don’t just stop loving them – you just hurt more. It killed me to see photos of them smiling and drinking on his yacht, I felt like she had taken away the happiest years of my life and I couldn’t help but hate her.

I eventually met a new man but I didn’t want to lead him along while I knew I was still heartbroken. He was a great guy but I needed time to heal. It’s been 3 years and I just saw the photos of my ex husband’s wedding. I had that awful sinking feeling in my stomach. It was just awful seeing them smiling and being happy together. He even gave her a ring, but when we were married, we agreed we weren’t going to wear them.

My friends gave me those “Oh dear…” looks and just say gently that I need to get on with my life, but it is easier said than done. How long is it OK to grieve your ex when they leave your life?

Is this just me? I don’t really know what to do. I know I have to move on, but when your brother is still good friends with your ex, you can’t help but get lost looking at photos and wishing things were different…

How did other people deal with it? I just hope that I’ll be able to move on one day and be the one smiling in the photos with my new husband.


Have you been upset when your ex moved on? What did you do to move on? Was it really hard for you? 


This writer has chosen to remain anonymous.

  1. He doesnt deserve your feelings. It took me years. Just like grieving the death of someone. Dont expect others who havent been through it to understand…………. they wont. And when it comes to him dying yoou will grieve him then too, as it is the grief of the family unit. Grieve it and leave it……… then you will be able to move on v happily. If he has quite a lot to do with your brother, dont see your brother too much at the moment. Don’t look at photos etc. Allow yourself that time and dont worry about anyone else.

    2 REPLY
    • Sorry Barb, I lost my hubby to cancer 11 years ago. Grieving for someone who is alive is NOT not like grieving for a living ex. While there is life there is hope … Just saying 🙂

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      • I agree Cherie. I have been through both situations and losing a husband to divorce is by fay the harder thing to overcome. I set a date and said “after that date I refuse to have anymore negative thoughts” I decided he was not worth bringing myself down for. I still think about him and even wonder if he is ok, HOWEVER, I refuse to allow myself to dwell on it. Find a NEW hobby that gets you out and about. I chose photography, and the fun of learning all aspects of that leaves no time to worry about what might have been. get out and do what is. It is not easy by a long shot but it is achievable. Counselling also helped immensley

      • Cherie I am sorry you lost your husband to cancer it is a devastating disease. However you can take comfort in the fact that when he died he was still in love with you. When a man leaves because he no longer loves you the hurt grows stronger every year

    • Barbie, one thing I would do is sit down with my brother and explain how you feel in regards to his friendship with your ex. Ask him to please keep information regarding your ex to himself, that you still have feeling for your ex and it will take some time to get through it. Counselling would be top of my list, you certainly need help and time to heal.

  2. How awful for you. Can understand that being so terribly hurt when he left still doesn’t mean you stop loving him. You thought he was your soul mate and you would be together forever. If only he had told you he was unhappy it may have allowed you to compromise on some things and save your marriage.
    I guess you can mourn his loss for the rest of your life and be sad or even angry, or tell yourself that he has found happiness and you now must move on and try and find a new life partner, giving yourself a chance to love and be loved again. YOU DESERVE THAT.

  3. It is understandable that you would be feeling this way because as you said you are still in love with your ex husband and had a long and happy marriage. You are probably still be grieving for the life you had with him. There is no switch off point with grief, the only thing you can do is work out how you can move on with your life accepting that he is now married to someone else and what you can do to make your life better without him. I wish you all the very best for your future strength and happiness.

  4. It’s ok to feel that & yes you can’t just switch off those feelings & it can take 7 yrs to grieve because it is like a death, with that part of your life gone. We all deal with the loss differently.They say time heals I believe that to be true, you will move on when the time is right.True friends will help you, wishing you the best.

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    • When I lost my husband I was given a wonderful book which helped me immensely and you are right it treated divorce in the same way. It is also correct when you say time heals and I believe you learn to manage your grief better as time gies on.

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      • Janet, I think it’s wonderful that you have spoken about a book that guided you through that time in your life. I wonder if it would be possible to name the book and its author for our lady who has been brave enough to share a piece of her life with us.

      • Janet – I am reading this over 60s blog and I lost my hubby 3 1/2 years ago – and still grieve for him – I miss him so much – what is the name of the book that you read as I do need something like that to read and to see how it can help me – I have wonderful kids and beautiful grand and great grand children but my life has a huge part missing and that is my wonderful hubby – I know he is with me in spirit but its not seeing him physically that I miss most of all – we shared everything – our secrets our dreams and so forth – its like your other half is gone – i suppose thats why they are called that – thanks

  5. You don’t stop loving someone just because they stop loving you. I thought I was married for ever. I loved my ex so much I was devastated when he remarried. It’s taken years for me to move on. Fortunately I don’t see him as he now lives abroad and I have taken him off the pedestal I had put him on. After 5 years or so I met a wonderful man who loves me and is totally accepting of my son who has a disability. We have been together for over 2 years and are getting married in November.

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  6. it hurts for now but treat it as a life’s lesson and get on with your life, he is getting on with his, don’t spend the rest of your life dwelling on the past because it will rob you of the rest of your life. Get a hobby buy a pet, do anything to take your mind off it and in time you will find you don’t think about him as much, if at all and I wish you a peaceful and happy life

  7. I totally understand.. and my experience is that most people including family really dont want to know.. i was lucky that one of my family was helpful, kind and a shoulder to lean on…everyone else in my life ran for the hills.. nobody unless you have been through it will understand. You grieve for the loss of love, the loss of the life you knew and the v friends you now have to share.. it is so hard to move on.. do it in your time and what helps me is keeping busy.. not easy finding a new way of living xoxo

  8. I was married to my husband for 25yrs our marriage was torn apart from medaling parents and family members. He ended ip finding a Sth African lady through the internet. They eventually got married and he lives mostly on his own on the farm and she lives in the city in a house he bought for her. He also bought her a business.i felt do cheated because he gave her everthing that I wanted. We occasionally see each other but she has even torn him away from his own children. So I do understand I now have met a lovely man I’ve for years who makes me feel very special. Live life for what it is

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    • My goodness love is blind…talking about your ex husband … Pretty dumb to fall for the scams those internet affairs cause…. Good luck with your new love… You lucky to find love again a lot don’t

    • don’t worry Sue when she takes him to the cleaners he will be a sorry man.. then he will start thinking back over the years and finally see what he has lost…

  9. Totally understand. Rocks your whole world and your family. You have to look after your own future Staying in the past will do you more harm.

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