What Pisses Me Off: You, my names, life and paper mache! 64

What pisses me off


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WARNING: If you have a problem with tongue in cheek light hearted humour, I suggest you do not read any further. Also, for the holier than thou: “what pisses me off” is slang, it is not swearing.

1. When you are a carer for one you tend to forget to do things for yourself. When you are a carer for two, you forget everything and you have a tendency to put things concerning yourself on the back burner, mainly because you think you are invincible. The inflammation from the tendinitis in my right elbow hurts, my knees are cactus, one knee locked about 10 minutes ago and I had to snap it back into reality – it hurt. The varicose veins in my other leg are bigger than Ben Hur and ache, I have had brain surgery (twice), I get bad headaches which hurt. I have had twelve level 3 malignant melanomas cut out of me, I had 2.9kg goitre cut out of me, I had a football-sized growth cut out of me and to top it all off I have been completely neutered! So much has been taken out of me, I am always amazed that my head does not sit directly on my feet. So for those of you that call me a whinger, this whinging paragraph is dedicated to you because quite frankly your negativity and inability to have a laugh pisses me off!

2. I was thinking about all my names. I don’t know why I have so many! My third name is Cecilia and I always thought it sounded quite posh. I always thought that song Cecilia was all about me because nobody else that I knew had the name. When I turned 60 I had to get my birth certificate. Turns out my third name is not Cecilia after all, it’s Cecil, I couldn’t freakin’ believe it, at first I was shattered then I rang my youngest son to talk to him about it. He burst out laughing and immediately started calling me Cecil, it was so funny as he tends to snap me back into reality pretty quick. The only thing now is the song ‘Cecilia’ has been brought back to life and when I hear it on the radio it instantly pisses me off!

3. Mum and I were chatting and she was talking about old times. Being 90 and having dementia, she tends to talk about old times a lot. I asked her if I ever had a Godmother, yes, I did, her name was Adelaide and she had very bad Alzheimer’s and lived in an asylum…great! There appears to be nothing in my life that reads like a delightful scene from Leave It To Beaver. It pisses me off! At least it explains the memory I have of looking through wire fencing watching old ladies throw their underwear into a tree. Mum said she used to get Adelaide out once a week on a day pass, but on what was to be Adelaide’s last outing, she complained constantly that somebody had stolen her glasses. Mum decided to buy her some chocolate because she loved it so much and Mum thought it might calm her down a bit and get her mind onto something else, but she stuffed the chocolate down the front of her jumper and continued carrying on about the theft of her glasses. She was getting very pissed off so Mum took her back to the asylum and she made a complaint to the Head Nurse about Adelaide’s dilemma. The nurse said,”Goodness me Adelaide, not again”. She took her hand and with her other hand, pulled out three pairs of glasses from down the front of Adelaide’s jumper and they were all covered in melted chocolate…

4. Mum is making a paper mache rabbit pushing a paper mache wheelbarrow that holds a paper mache easter egg. The recent radiation therapy she had for cancer in the nose has blinded her in one eye and knocked the stuffing out of her, so the rabbit is proving quite difficult and really pissing her off, but I have no doubt I will be helping her set up the rabbit in her boyfriend’s yard before Easter. Determination will get her over the line!

What pisses you off? Do you know how Christine feels? Do you share her pain? Tell us below!

Christine Massey

I am a 61-year-old dysfunctional child of a problem mother. I tend to look at the world with the philosophy "Laugh hard, you could be dead tomorrow!"

  1. Your humour is certainly an important part of your life, and seemingly therapeutic as well. I can’t imagine enduring everything in paragraph 1.

  2. Thanks for the laughs Christine. Your ability to treat events in your life with practicality and humour is a lesson for me.

  3. If You Don’t Laugh, You’ll Cry, rings true here.
    I’m enjoying your writings, Christine.
    Must be the name, I too have that sense of humour.

  4. You are a joy Christine to read I think its time for a book about Caring for Family there is up’s and downs but special moments too! I have a few of those Piss me off moments that are funny but memories for me now !!! your words took me back Thank you !!

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