What Pisses Me Off: Trousers without zips!

This is a problem that only the men will appreciate, however, if you are a female reader with a male partner, take particular notice if you buy your man trousers or shorts. It may make your life happier.

My wife is wonderful but (there’s always a but) she has bought me a couple of pairs of trousers and shorts with no zips. Can you believe it?

Does she expect me to sit down to pee? When I tackled her about it, she simply said that it was easy to just undo the belt, pull the top down and do the job.

Sounds good, but most of the other men using the urinal don’t necessarily want to read what’s on my Tradies Undies and see the outline of my butt. I don’t necessarily want to display it, but that’s what happens when you pull your trousers down (duh!).

The only other option is to use one of the stalls, but if you go to the toilet with your bladder-synchronised drinking mate, as is often the case, he goes to the urinal and you head to a stall so he gets the idea that either you don’t want to talk with him while peeing or that you have something to hide.

Or maybe you are too embarrassed to piddle in front of other men – that’s the pitts in un-manliness! A definite no, no.

Worse still is the pair of jeans she bought me – on special no less – that had such a short distance between the top of the trousers to the crotch, that it was impossible to get my family jewel out of the hole even when the zip was open.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not inferring that I’m so well endowed that I couldn’t possibly fit through the hole, but it’s a struggle. So it’s the undo the belt, drop the dacks and display the undies challenge all over.

Women readers will tell me the obvious, “Buy your own bloody trousers and shorts.”

Yes, that’s the solution. And if I buy the wrong stuff, then I’ve only myself to blame if it doesn’t work exactly the way I want. My wife and I have had this conversation and that’s what will happen in future.

The old, new trousers will find another victim at the Salvation Army’s clothing centre and I’ll get some new gear.

Have you been pissed off by any features on clothing? Why?