What Pisses Me Off: Toilet rolls! 190

What pisses me off


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We need to talk about toilet rolls. There’s no point trying to seduce me by saying you love my bum (oh how easily seduced am I)! A chance would be a fine thing if some toilet paper ever made it there. I’m talking about the situation that exists – vis a vis toilet rolls – in public toilets. Rolling is something they don’t do any more.

I am of course eternally grateful that we have moved on from the highly injurious toilet paper of yesteryear. You know the stuff that came in a square cardboard box which was encased in an tin holder with a slot, through which you pushed your fingers to remove one single piece of paper – shiny on one side and coarse on the other. That’s if you were lucky and didn’t lose a finger in the process, at which point blood would flow. Using that paper was also likely to cause blood to flow if a person made an unguarded swipe in a moment of haste. The tin holder bore the proud boast Winner of an Australian Design Award – from the Blood Bank, no doubt.

I have since spent many moments in public toilets wrestling with the innumerable devices which have been mounted on the wall to hold rolls of toilet paper. I would now like to offer a few words of advice to the manufacturers of these contraptions: stop mucking about. We want to use the toilet paper. I recently saw one forlorn roll which was half in and half out of the dispenser (what a misnomer that is) and looked as if a demented woodpecker had been trying to gain entry to build a nest. All the little bits of paper were scattered on the floor, along with bigger bits which had been left by previous persons. Please take note: containers which hold toilet rolls on top of each other are useless and only work for the last roll, because they are too heavy to surrender the paper from the bottom roll. Devilishly clever if it is the toilet roll manufacturers who thought this one up, because the paper ends up on the floor.

My most recent exasperating experience has been with the container which holds one enormous roll. I have made many delicate attempts to coax some paper off these rolls, but consider myself fortunate if I end up with one tiny square which has been surrendered ungraciously by the roll turning very slightly upon itself. Therein lies the problem. One giant roll is too heavy, mate. The remains of other people’s less delicate attempts are to be found all over the floor again. I fear these contraptions are vulnerable to assault in the near future – but don’t look at me!

Do you agree? Do public toilet paper dispensers piss you off? Tell us what you think should replace them below!

Jan Carroll

Jan is the Grand-daughter of E.J. Carroll who produced most of the early silent Australian films: On Our Selection, The Sentimental Bloke, The Man from Kangaroo, For the Term of his Natural Life and others. She spent most of her childhood in theatres watching stage shows and movies over and over again, and would skip down the street after singing or whistling all the songs! She has written a book “She is Heavy – She’s my Mother”. Jan is always writing and has letters published in The Sydney Morning Herald every now and then. She has also written a little pocket book, Pardon?! Which quotes things she has heard which sound ridiculous!

  1. Yes we do public toilet paper is horrible , it has no absorbency and it is either stuck in the despencer or non- existant, which is why l always keep my own in my bag. Might be a little OCD but at least lam not going to get caught out. Cheers.

    4 REPLY
    • Nothing worse than going into the loo and finding no paper Lily as you no doubt have found out. Anyway another reason for taking your own you never know whos been there before you. Lol

  2. Always carry my own

    1 REPLY
    • They put thin paper in thinking they are saving money but in the end, as you say, we use more so no saving in the long run. I also find it icky, Some people hold the T paper in one hand while they tear the paper off with the other hand. I don’t want to use ppaer that someone else has handled. I tear that piece of and drop it on the floor. If a little old lady can tear the paper off so can everyone else.

      1 REPLY
      • You are a dirty litterbug.Rip it off by all means but drop it in the toilet.I can imagine what your house looks like if that is your idea of being tidy.What a dirty pig you must be.

  3. The dunny roll saga continues. We live in hope that one day in the not too distant future a genius is born. His/her destiny in life will be to invent a toilet roll dispenser that satisfies the need of all. This will not be an easy task, as for centuries mankind has struggled to cope with the monster that is the toilet roll dispenser.
    This raises another of life’s little mysteries; Do you fold or do you scrunch once sufficient paper has been extracted from the jaws of the dispenser? There are problems to be solved and vital decisions to be made. But one thing is for sure; a dispenser with toilet rolls in it is far less annoying than a dispenser with no bloody paper in it.

    1 REPLY
    • Sunday morning…..thanks for the article….thanks for Rods reply …..just had my first smile for the day.

  4. I so agree. Also the paper is so thin that if it actually rolls out you need three times as much.

  5. This is really a first world problem , and pretty low down on the list at that. But well written!

    1 REPLY
    • Been in third world toilets ( or where ever the locals went) At least I knew what the norm was in those places. A clean, basic toilet setup is such a boon for everyone. From the little ones to pregnant mums (desperate to relieve the painful pressure) to the disabled and the elderly. lets not forget all those taking the dreaded fluid pills either. Nothing wrong with respecting the dignity of folk by making access to, what is a very basic need, clean and effective.

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