What Pisses Me Off: Frog thieves! 59

What pisses me off


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I was sitting in the lounge room chatting to Mark when I heard Mum’s scooter coming up the side of the house. She was beeping the horn and going way too fast at a staggering speed of 10km an hour. She jumped off the scooter and raced in through the back door, carefully pushed herself up off the scooter and shuffled in through the back door, but it was a determined shuffle. She was visibly upset when she yelled “I am so pissed off! Some thieving mongrel has nicked my frog”!

I couldn’t believe it. My first thought was “Why the hell would anybody want to steal a frog?”; Mum has had that frog for about 20 years. It had a lot of sentimental value and it sat guard over the bromeliads in the front garden for years. It was a bit of a landmark and it was liquid nailed to a tree stump. Before you start dobbing me in for animal cruelty, the frog was 20kg of solid cement and we are all quite stunned that someone would steal it. I could not imagine a teenager trying to lift it – try and smoke it maybe. Whoever took it was strong and dumb because the bromeliads that the frog was guarding were a lot more valuable than the frog, unless of course there is a black market for cement frogs.

Mum had handpainted the frog in her own unique style so I am pretty sure he would have had a paint job by now. Maybe it is sitting in a garden near you, all freshly painted waiting for the football to start or maybe it’s waiting to be sold at the next flea market. Maybe it is experiencing its first road trip! The trauma of it all is getting too much for Mum.

I tried to get the local paper interested and I got no response. I couldn’t believe their lack of interest! What is wrong with people? This is big news, it’s all over the internet! OK, I put it there, but that is not the point. I want the thief to return the frog unharmed and no questions will be asked. Mainly because I have no clue what I should ask a frog thief.

I got Mum some cardboard to make a sign. Mum put a lot of thought into the wording of that sign; I nailed it to a tree out the front. She had this crazy idea that word about the sign would get back to the thief and he would be overcome with guilt and return the frog.

I have seen people stopping and taking photos and laughing at the sign. These people should be out looking for the frog but sadly life is not full of tall spinach and butterflies. But after just checking the letterbox and finding a note from the bloody frog, apparently his life is now full of tall spinach and butterflies because he is living on a cattle property over the border. It’s not really the theft that is pissing me off, it’s more the realisation that a cement frog is on holiday and I’m not!

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Christine Massey

I am a 61-year-old dysfunctional child of a problem mother. I tend to look at the world with the philosophy "Laugh hard, you could be dead tomorrow!"

  1. that is terrible ..I feel sorry for your mum..some people will steal anything..tell your mum they stole 2 of my large heavy ceramic pots from out of the front of my house..might be the same person with a fetish..xoxo Happy Easter Christine I always enjoy reading your posts

  2. No that’s so cruel why can’t people buy their own statues they steal and at garage sales and markkets

  3. I had a small statue on my front porch of a boy and girl holding hands while sitting on a bench. There one day and gone the next. Whoever stole it has taken memories of my grandchildren who gave it to me for Christmas many years ago. Heartless thieves who have no feelings. The proceeds from their thefts could have lots of memories for the victims, but they think only of the money in their pockets. I assume the item would have been flogged at the local markets, and proceeds accumulated from multiple thefts gone on alcohol or drugs. Karma is a bitch, so look out when it comes to get you is all I say.

  4. Life is greener on the other side of the fence, the frog has jumped the fence.

    1 REPLY
    • In that case the frog will be back as soon as he realizes that the only reason the grass is greener is because they use more manure.

  5. My garden seat was stollen and a nearby resident sprung them trying to pinch a very large plant in a pot. Unfortunately they had already away with the first of her pair of pots. As far I am aware nobody was caught for the thefts, it was rumoured that all this occurred after a local sports carnival, and the pub closed its doors. The coach trip home included the numerous garden ornaments and furniture from around town.

  6. My mother who was living alone had a china dog with a leather collar on her balcony for years .. Had no monetary value but was irreplaceable and she was devastated when it was stolen

  7. I paint under my cement ornaments – “Stolen from….(my address)” Done this ever since my MIL’s friend saw a pot plant at a car boot sale and claimed it as stolen from her garden. The seller denied this of course, but the woman dug in the pot and pulled out a key. “Here’s proof! This is my front door key”

    3 REPLY
    • Not such a good idea! The thief knew where he’d stolen it from and if he found the key he may have gone back and helped himself to inside goodies!

    • One woman’s story contained a key in a pot plant Judy. Just one. I don’t image there is anywhere to hide a key on a cement frog or on my cement ornaments.

  8. Just before Christmas, nearly every home in my neighbourhood had something stolen. Pot plants, garden ornaments, etc. I had a Welcome sign my Sister gave me years ago with a chook, cow and barn stolen from right beside my front door! It had been hanging there for a long time. Very annoying!!

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