What Pisses Me Off: Flowers, bad news, birds and food nazis!

Years ago, while walking around the bay taking photos of flowers and shrubs, a very dead looking leaf appeared at my feet. It was a succulent, grey in colour and very withered but strangely it had all new growth around the edges. The new growth was in the form of tiny pink very healthy looking flowers. In that tiny old leaf I could see the Circle of Life, it was telling me a big story the old dying while the new flourished. It fascinated me to the point of me bringing it home, planting it then unfortunately forgetting about it. It grew and initially it looked pretty but it kept growing and it wouldn’t stop and now that feral pain in the butt is everywhere. I have been pulling it out for years. I get it out of one section it then appears in another. I couldn’t kill it with a brick and it really pisses me off!

I hate it when people decide to hit me with bad news late at night, I get very wound up about whatever has been said. Once tiredness is setting in, I begin to overanalyse the most trivial of things. I am talking about things that I normally would not give a toss about; they can become a major issue once the sun goes down. I always try to process whatever has upset my delicate applecart before going to bed, but it never works, and once my head hits the pillow it’s like my brain says, “Game On”. I am suddenly wide awake and then every bit of drama that I have ever dealt with during my adult life comes to the forefront of my brain. I get desperate trying to switch off my thoughts. I try to meditate with no luck, I drop enough lavender oil on my pillow to knock out an elephant, still my brain will not stop instead it laughs at me. And as the morning light comes through my bedroom window, and I can hear the birds start singing and every muscle is aching and I suddenly feel like I could sleep for a week, but I have to get up and function. I quickly realise it’s not going to be a great day when my first thought is, “Shut up birds, you piss me off!”

I am not at all fond of food nazis – the ones that say I shouldn’t be eating sugar, I shouldn’t be eating salt, I have too much caffeine, I have too many carbs. Who the hell made them the food police to decide what I should and shouldn’t eat? Those people really piss me off!

If I am having a bad morning nothing beats hot chips with chicken gravy for lunch. I go from feeling like I am being dragged behind a rusty truck face down through the bush to waving a magic wand while sitting on the back of a rainbow farting unicorn. I do not see how food with such magical powers could possibly be bad for me! Carbs can also be beneficial while watching the very riveting show that is Home and Away, the tension will be building not knowing if Alf Stewart is going to make it to the next episode. I reach for a bag of chips to help keep my mind off the trauma of Alf’s dilemma, I would never count a food nazi as a friend. Especially if they are going to go on and on about how I should be eating mung beans, quinoa and chick peas. I do not need that degree of negativity in my life!

Tell us, do these things piss you off too?