What pisses me off: Everything! 91

What pisses me off


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Christine has been a beloved contributor of What Pisses Me Off this year, and this was her most-read article.

1. As most of you know I am at the pool a lot, not always the same pool but sadly the same problems appear to exist at them all – delusional old men in budgie smugglers gather at these places. Old men in various shapes and sizes, for some reason that is totally beyond me, think they look good in them. When you get to an age when you look like your skin needs ironing, you need to be wearing board shorts. One rather large man dropped his sunscreen and bent over to pick it up, unfortunately he was in my direct line of vision, and holy moly, my retinas immediately felt like they were going to ignite. I realise these men have probably owned their budgie smugglers since they were in their prime, but just like a bucket of prawns left in the hot sun, their prime has passed.

Tony Abbott is another tragic fan of the budgie smugglers; he has even allowed the media to speak to him while wearing them. Don’t get me wrong, I admire the man’s fitness, but I will never understand why he wears those things in public. I find it very difficult to take him seriously when the image of him on the beach in the red smugglers is burnt into my brain. Why speak to the media when only a thin layer of nylon is separating the nation from Little Tony? Budgie smugglers piss me off!

2. Today I flew into the shops to pick up a couple of things. I saw they had a display of hot cross buns right next to a display of lamingtons and pavlovas for Australia Day, then the newsagent had an array of Australia Day merchandise, next to a stand of Valentine’s cards which were opposite a display of Easter cards. Everybody needs to calm down. How about you let us deal with one expense before you start shoving the next down our throats? After all, time goes fast enough – no need to be pushing Easter when Christmas trees are still standing in most houses. I suppose they want to get it all out of the way so they can start pushing for Christmas in July, then all the Halloween rubbish, then Christmas again, then we are all another year closer to death. Seriously: everybody is in a rush and it pisses me off!

Anyway, when unpacking at home I realised I was short quite a few things. Apparently I left a bag at the checkout; my 4 punnets of blueberries were in that bag. I have a punnet of blueberries with yoghurt for breakfast every morning. Before you all start with the “Well if you can afford blueberries….”, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t gamble, I try to stay healthy, and I prefer to do it naturally.

3. I thought Mum was on the phone earlier, instead she was abusing my iPad; she had it on Luminosity. “I don’t play this rubbish”, she said. “Yes you do Mum”. I thought she was trying to continue on from a previous game but she was getting a tad irate and started abusing technology as a whole. She could not remember the name of the game she wanted.

“This isn’t the game I play, how come when I press this button, strange looking dogs start running across the screen? If I wanted to play with dogs, I would go to the freakin’ RSPCA and play with a real one! I want the game with all the pictures on it”

“Well Mum, what are the pictures about?”

“Well Christine, I remember it was a crime scene and if you keep pissing me off, you could be in one”!

4. It’s raining. It has been raining non-stop for 24 hours; the yard is flooded. I think Mother Nature must in fact be a man, because if Mother Nature was a woman, the rain would be falling in all the places that needed it, not here where the bulk of it is wasted. The cane toads love it, they think it is party time.

I was sloshing around in shin deep water while trying to set up our very innovative, yet very bogan-style pump to shoot the water back out on the road, when I felt something slap my leg. Luckily it was just Tinkerbell the Water Dragon hanging ten on a seed pod. Lucky he didn’t get sucked up in the pump! Thankfully all was successful and I managed not to electrocute myself and I was able to stop the water from knocking on the front door.

I am now in bed and the rain is coming down hard again, I know I should go out and get the pump running. I know a decision has to be made so I decided to put my dilemma to a vote and the three of us, me, myself and I, made an executive decision to stay in bed. And If we wake up in a water bed eyeballing cane toads, it will indeed piss the three of us off, but it is a chance we are willing to take!

5. Yesterday Mum was picked up by the Ambulance at 7am. She was dropped back home at 11.15am. When the Ambulance pulled up, the rain was coming down in bucketloads and he asked Mum to wait for the rain to stop as he did not want her to get wet. Patience has never been a strong quality with Mum so she quickly tired of waiting and opened the door and got out. A 90-year-old crossing the road in a torrential downpour was not a smart thing for her to do and she certainly was not about to break the speed records. I opened the front door to a drowned rat. I tried to encourage her to have a hot shower and rest but she said “Bugger that, I will rest enough when I am dead”. She towelled her head dry, changed her clothes and 20 minutes later we dropped her at her Club. She said, “Playing the pokies relaxes me enough to forget about everything for a while because the cancer treatments really piss me off!

What pisses you off? Tell us below!

Originally published here

Christine Massey

I am a 61-year-old dysfunctional child of a problem mother. I tend to look at the world with the philosophy "Laugh hard, you could be dead tomorrow!"

  1. Mmmmm….it takes a lot to piss me off but people who are unnecessarily agressive or rude will do it.
    Having to hear the next door neighbours yelling at each other does it. They are both rude and agressive.
    My dog destroying things does it when she has had a go at something I value.
    And I am not keen on being confronted on the street or in shopping centres by charities or people wanting money. I usually give them something but they dont know that and I hate having to face them everywhere.

    1 REPLY
    • My neighbours yell…Im just glad Im not them..lol
      My dog chews things but he is a puppy…a firm no and he gets on his belly and slides out of the room and hides under my bed.
      Getting on his belly makes him invisible he thinks.
      Having decades of toddlers…I put things out of his reach.
      Once he got my medication and chewed them so had to have his tummy pumped..I wasnt cranky I was worried sick….it wasnt a pleasant experience for him…when I take my meds he looks in horror…oh no…charcoal…lol

  2. Not keen on the budgie smugglers, rude people and unhelpful shop assistants

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    • I am 75, As my kids were competitive swimmers they never wore Budgie smugglers, they wore Speedos , as thousands did in those days, Board shorts came in years later

      1 REPLY
  3. Im odd…I dont get pissed off…except at myself….so at least I use your minimization scheme…now what are we going to do self….
    You see I can not control anothers actions, I can only control me…I can ruminate on their actions and find some reason or unexplained cause for it but that is their problem.
    I suppose for example if people are notoriously late…like one daughter we all just tell her to be there an hour early, if no one gets up to help clean up I just give thanks for having kids who want to visit…if something gets accidently broken its only stuff…if my husband of 30 years wants a divorce I hope he finds happiness but I wont allow him to hurt me again…bridge closed.
    So all in all being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
    Life is too short for me to be pissed off by others choices…sometime having a brain injury makes things more simplistic.

    10 REPLY
    • Yes Suzanne. We all get pissed off but we all have the ability to reframe it rather than focus on it. Leads to a healthier life. I read a book when I was 14 about the jews who knew they were being marched to a certain death. So I think of that when i want to put things into perspective.

    • Yes we are all only responsible for our own behaviour, responses…I had to learn to live
      again about a decade ago and out of such a trial has come a better lifestyle and choices…for me anyway…lol

    • Yes sometimes it takes something like that. I have experienced early trauma and my husband had a big health scare and we focus on simple things to bring us pleasure ongoingly. Cheers to you Suzanne for a happy healthy 2016.

    • You too Merran Heather Brown….wishing you the very best.
      Now the hard yards are over time to get a wiggle on planning 2016.,,

    • I love what you said about holding on to anger being like drinking poison and expecting other people to die – so true and I will adopt this as my motto.

    • Rohani Sharif…shhh I stole it from the Buddha but it makes perfect sense to me too…there is something to be said for getting older…a very wise human he was.

  4. I. What pisses me off are family at Christmas who all come in like a whirlpool, eat, drink, be merry, spill drinks, let the kids wreck the place, then all walk out at the end without lifting a finger.

  5. Are you always pissed off, you see anything good in the world I feel sorry for you.

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  6. I’m pissed off! My next door neighbours think the whole neighbourhood wants to celebrate Christmas Eve by having a party on their back veranda, not far from by bedroom window. They had a brazier burning something stinky. Even with my window closed the smoke seeped in. They needed loud thumping music, and had to laugh loudly, so they could hear themselves over that thump, thump, thump, they call music. It went on until 1.30am. I’m going to buy a thank you card and send it to them, thanking them for sharing their jollities with all the rest of us. God, I’m tired. I feel like it was me partying half the night.

    7 REPLY

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