To my ex wife 210



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I saw the anonymous post yesterday called ‘To my ex husband‘ and it made me immediately want to respond. Like many blokes out there, I have an ex wife, and she caused me much grief. And I can happily say that I was not the instigator.

If I was a woman, I would never have behaved the way you did during our marriage. I wouldn’t have carried on and picked on every little thing you did. I would have never been a terrible liar and disappear on you with the local accountant. I would have never have argued with you and made you feel pathetic, over the most stupid things. I would have never withheld affection from you because I didn’t feel like it.

If I was a woman, I would have taken care of you, I would never have made you get a taxi to a heart operation while I got drunk next door. I would not have left you behind as you lay in a hospital bed and pretended you were dying to get sympathy from other men. I would have had your children and wanted them to be like you. I would never have a hysterectomy without asking you.

If I was a woman, I would love you tenderly, not leave you to wonder why we were ever married. I would get married to you because I loved you and not because my dad told me to. I would kiss you on the lips and not be repulsed by the very sight of you. I would introduce you to my friends proudly, I’d never take other men to functions instead.

If I was a woman, I’d be with you through the good and the bad, not fail to turn up to your mother’s funeral with no excuse. I would hug you and cry with you, not tell you that “We all knew it was coming”.

If I was a woman, I would be strong but also kind. I would never make you feel scared and emasculated in my presence. I would never mock you. I guess you never loved me.

If I was a woman, I wouldn’t just leave a note saying you were leaving with the accountant. I would talk things out for hours if we needed to, but we wouldn’t. Because I’d never marry someone just because.

If I was a woman, I would be as beautiful as I could be around you. I would dress up for dates, instead of acting like I didn’t want to be there. I’d wear my wedding ring on my hand with pride, instead of conveniently losing it.

You were not a woman, you were the shadow of one. And you still haunt me, years after we divorced.

Share your thoughts.       

Guest Contributor

  1. Sadly there are many men and women feeling the same way. I don’t know what the answer is.

    2 REPLY
    • I don’t know the answers either, Barry but perhaps it may improve if family values and role models improved. If you Dad bashes your Mum and she puts up with it, (or vice versa) the children will accept this everyday stuff as normal and so it either ceases or perpetuates. It’s all very sad.

    • Thank you I have worked with domestic violence, victims and offenders for 3 decades. The cycle of violence continues and females are not always the victims.

  2. I guess the old saying there is always two sides to a story especially so in relationships. Thank you for sharing your side of the story but don’t let it still haunt you try to move on life is to short to be holding on to bitterness I’m sure she isnt

  3. And my response is the same. Thank goodness she is your ex.
    I’m sorry you are still haunted by her years after your divorce, that would be an awful life for you.
    I would suggest instead of wondering why, or what could’ve been, you read your own letter over and over, adding the other hurtful things she did to you along the way, until you can read your letter and say, thank God she’s gone. She may have ruined your life while you were married, you are ruining it now by hanging on to the hurt all these years later. Sounds like she was pretty young if she married you because her dad told her to. Maybe you could excuse her immaturity. Perhaps the way she treated you wasn’t so much about you personally, but she just took her anger at her father for forcing her to marry you, out on you.
    Whatever, it’s time to be glad she’s gone, nobody deserves to be treated that way. If you’re struggling to do that on your own, perhaps some counselling might help. I wish you all the best.

  4. So sorry to hear your story – no one deserves this treatment. If you still let it haunt you she wins!- get some help to get over this and move on – I am sure there is some lovely woman out there who love to have a kind caring sensitive man like you. God Bless you. Wishing you happier times ahead.

  5. Thank you for sharing. I think a lot of us can relate, even if only in a small way, to the pain you have felt and obviously still feel. Let go my friend and move on. Don’t let your past ruin your future.

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