The second time around 73



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The second time around was the best for me. No, I’m not talking about a child or a pet, I’m talking about my marriages. I mean no disrespect to my first husband, but I honestly believe that my second husband was meant to be my true soul mate.

When I married my first husband, I was only 19. We were deeply in love but something never felt quite right about the two of us together. It all happened so fast and I was in too deep before I knew it. We had a child, a boy, a year after we married and instead of being co-parents, I was more like a single mother. My husband went out to the pub after work every night and left me at home to deal with the screaming baby. He was very aggressive when he’d come home and there was more than one occasion where I feared for myself and the baby, but in those days I just put it down to his pressure at work and that I needed to be better for him. He of course never improved and ended up cheating on me numerous times, even once with our neighbour. I felt betrayed but I didn’t want my marriage to be a failure – I’d surely never live it down in my strict Catholic family.

We were married for 7 years before I decided enough was enough and my son and I needed to get out of our wretched situation. My poor son hardly had a dad and I hardly had a husband. It was a Sunday and all I remember doing was shaking my husband awake and telling him I was leaving. I clutched my son Sean’s hand and off we went with our suitcases in the back of a taxi. I never spoke to him again other than to file the divorce and despite his many attempts to see my son and I, I denied all contact. We were going to be a happy family and find someone to love us both.

It wasn’t long before I met a kind doctor at, you guessed it, the doctor surgery. He was the new doctor and he was so incredible handsome that I found myself getting sick just to see him! He finally asked me out on a date and the rest is history. We had 3 more children and my son Sean had the dad he always wanted. I of course faced the usual backlash from family and friends who thought of me as the divorcee who collected marriages. I was the talk of the town but I could not care less. My own mother thought I caused a dirty mark on the family’s history and didn’t talk to me for many years.

I do honestly believe my first marriage was a lesson for me, as is any relationship that you end. It taught me to stand up for myself and to be treated as I deserve. People may have talked about me but behind closed doors they were the ones suffering. I’m not saying that first marriages don’t work but it really did mean the world to me to be able to break free and not think that marriage was an eternal binding contract. Yes, you should try hard to make it work but if it’s loveless, then you deserve better.


Did you get married more than once? Was it a good decision for your life? Tell us below.

Guest Contributor

  1. I got married – three times. My first marriage was a disaster almost as soon as we were married. He was an abuser and I spent more time hiding from him and in hospital than actually WITH him. It took me a long time to stop being afraid, even after the divorce. My second husband cheated on me with his old girlfriend, who he eventually married. My third husband was my very first boyfriend. I met up with him after eighteen years and it was like we were kids again. I was married to him over twenty years and he cheated on me several times apparently. Then one day he left me a note and a very large debt. I haven’t seen him except for court since. That was four years ago. I lost everything, but still believe there is someone out there who will treat me as I deserve. I am just a bad judge I think. 🙂

    14 REPLY
    • Find something you love doing ; you don’t need a man to make you happy! I will never re marry! Almost 40 years & only about 10 of those years happy! Leaving soon!

    • Yes there is someone who can treat you the way you deserve, it’s YOU. Be good to yourself and don’t worry about a man in your life, if that happens it happens.

    • Thats exactly right Linda. I don’t need a man in my life and not looking for one, but if one comes along, well I would consider it. He would have to be wonderful though… 🙂

    • I am like u gran tried it three times first two as holes third one not much better we are trying to stick it out. He was unfaithful to his dying wife with her sister but didn’t know this until after but we. Basically have a good life never will have a life in bed room but have a good friend ship life and I am settling for it but don’t you do that there is still some good men out there God bless u you deserve it. You

    • When you can be happy by and with yourself, when you can love yourself, then perhaps the right one will come along. But if he doesn’t, it shouldn’t matter. You will always have you, and if you like you, that’s all that really matters.

    • I am very much the same as you. I’ve had the abuser, the alcoholic and the narcissistic cheater I used to think there would be someone for me but I’ve stopped hoping. Sincerely I wish you happiness in your endeavour and hope you find Mr Right

    • They say there is someone for everyone so I hope you find yours soon and have a happy life with him. Good luck.

    • Your not alone Fran..I had a bad marriage, he cheated on me with a 21 years old “girl” when I turned 40.. after that I had a very casual relationship with a guy..I saw him once a week.. he murdered a friend of mine !! That was the finish for me

    • It’s pretty sucky Libbi. I know there must be honourable nice guys out there but they seem few and far between.

  2. After my divorce I don’t trust my choosing skills anymore. Even after 18 years divorced the horrid memories are still there. Love being single now and if you’re on a good thing stick to it !! 🙂

  3. I agree Debbie . l was married for 30 yrs , to man who cheated and hit me … No more can’t trust men

  4. So pleased for the writer and her good luck. I’ve been married twice and don’t regret either of my marriages.

  5. Marriage is crap its fake. Most men pretend to want to b married . Not all! All the brothels r filled with married men all the bars and nightclubs too. They have no respect sex is number one in their liues.most my friends have been cheated on. I used to love men now i c them as a burden and its sad

    7 REPLY
    • Wow how scathing, not a Closet Lesbian by any chance? Men also have negative experiences in marriage, wife’s walking out and leaving their children because they’ve found someone’s else, over 35’s Disco’s with women slipping their wedding rings into their handbag, even had one friend of mine who’s wife left because she wanted someone who could treat her more like Ridge in the Bold and Beautiful……lunatics. Don’t know what kind of Brothels, bars and nightclubs you frequent but perhaps they’re filled with married women too.

    • Peter that is Patricia’s experience and opinion. I have had a very similar experience to hers as well. That does not make either her nor myself a lesbian. Statistics show that many married men go to brothels and they certainly go to night clubs. I also know that many men have had a rough time with women in their lives as well and know of men who have been physically abused, cheated on and used up. Each gender can speak of negative experience in a marriage. Some people take a long time if ever to get over a bad marriage. It took me well over a decade to learn to trust again after what I had been through. Thankfully I am now in a very happy marriage with a kind and considerate man who does not inflict terrible physical and emotional harm. Not everyone is so fortunate. My best wishes to both Patricia and to yourself.

    • Believe me Married men do stray!! In some cases the wife turns a blind eye,or she is oblivious, hence she receives the guilt nice bunch of flowers 😉 I know of at least 10 married men who has 😉 😀

  6. Third time is best for me…..took me two disastrous and abusive marriages to learn my lesson. I think of myself as an educated, intelligent woman but boy was I dumb when I stayed with the first two! Wised up now.

  7. There is also mental abuse. I was always made to feel that I had a second rate up bringing because I had no father. Her died when I was 10. Was treated like a possession not a person, my self esteem was very low. He put me out until I could become the wife I should, never went back. Was hard as I had a daughter with me and had to provide for her, but I learnt it was sink or swim. No way was I going to sink. Have been married for 12 years now to a man who treats me as an equal. He has his faults, but he is good to me. No great romance but it is companionship. Sometimes think I would like to be on my own again but it does get lonely at times.

  8. For every woman out there telling a bad story of why their marriage broke down you’ll find a man telling the same story……..

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