The green-eyed monster that consumes me 84



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I have a monster within me that consumes my everyday. I cannot stop it from coming out at every turn and I don’t know what to do.

It was just the other day that, at 67, I realised that the green-eyed monster was having a profound effect on my life. I have been jealous of everyone I know for as long as I can remember but it wasn’t until my daughter made me open my own green eyes that I was truly able to see what it was doing to my life…now I just have to figure out what to do.

I was telling my daughter about how I wanted to have a nicer home for her and her partner to visit when I started to get upset. I said to her “But don’t you think [partner’s mother] is so lucky?” whilst crying like a baby. She said sternly, “Get a hold of yourself and don’t be so pathetic”. Then she said, “No, I don’t look at anyone and compare what they have to what I have…it’s not right”. How is it that my 30-year-old daughter was able to tell me this advice yet I couldn’t ever give her that example in her life? I’m proud that she’s turned out to be such a well-rounded person despite how emotional I can be. She also told me that I can’t look at other people with green eyes and I knew she was right. But when I see my ex husband giving his new wife all the things she wants in the world without her having to work at all for it, I get upset. I see people my age going away on holidays while I live alone with nothing. I wonder if this is what I deserve for letting other peoples’ lives control my own.

I wonder if other people are like me and have a searing jealousy that runs through them. I wonder if other people feel as isolated in their jealousy as I do. I compare myself to my children who are both in the medical field – one a paediatrician and the other a nurse. They are fabulously intelligent but I’m really not. I wish I had a second chance to live my life over and say no to the things I didn’t want to do. I’m jealous that they are so in control of their lives and I’ve let it all unravel. I look at my daughter’s partner’s mother with her beautiful cars and a boat and live vicariously through them. I know it’s not right but sometimes I think they don’t deserve that happiness. I work my arse off and yet I get nothing.

So I really don’t know what to do. How can I get rid of the green-eyed monster? How can I start afresh or is it too late to start now? I just want to have all the nice things and don’t understand why others have it.

Tell me what you’d do….

Guest Contributor

  1. What a horrible way to live your life it sounds like you think success is all about how much money there is to spend on yourself.There are so many cheap options out there.Op shops have gorgeous clothes I have so many compliments about where did you get that outfit or dress and knowing it had cost under $10.If you had friends there are pot luck teas and often free concerts where a sandwich picnic and a shared bottle of wine is so much fun.If you are working so hard why have you no money look for budget advice.Make budget meals like corn fritters etc and save the money to get out to nice café once a week.Our rsa in N.Z has meals at $8.00 and a glass of wine $4.00.Get a flat mate if you have a 2 bedroom place thats extra money straight away.I have one.

  2. I don’t think you are wrong to want the things others have. They have got luxurious
    lives and haven’t had to work for it, you don’t and you HAVE worked hard.
    I think the thing to do though is count your blessings, the things that money can’t buy. Like your amazing children who are intelligent and well rounded, money can’t buy that. People would give up everything to be as lucky as you, perhaps they are wealthy but have a child with a disability or an illness.
    money can’t buy good health.
    I always think most of the time you don’t get health, wealth and happiness. You miss out on one of the three. Money can’t buy health or happiness.
    I often think, when I get a bit down about money and what we don’t have , about Paul McCartney. He was one of the richest men in the world, madly in love with his wife Linda but she got breast cancer and all the money in the world couldn’t save her life so that they could be together.
    I think you are blessed, with the things money can’t buy!!

    1 REPLY
  3. Being thankful for what you DO have helps and that you weren’t born in a 3rd world country.

  4. Agree with Judy Foster and Dianne Star-wisher be grateful for what you have, you could have no job, no home, be living on the streets and have children who use and abuse you, make the best of what you have

  5. It sounds more like depression than jealousy. You have also become very bitter over your ex and his wife. Start by sitting down and writing down all the things you DO have and most of those will be things money can’t buy. Then seek some help, start helping others who are worse off than yourself – and there will be loads of them in your area alone. Start looking at what you spend money on . I have a wardrobe stuffed full of lovely clothes but few were new . bought from op shops but I often get compliments on my dress sense !Carry on as you are and no-one will want to spend time with you and you will be a very lonely old lady. Get help before it is too late.

  6. Try having breast cancer, that might make a difference to your attitude.

    For goodness sake, grow up and stop moaning. You have been given this life for a reason, step out of your miserable hole, and live it! Stop wasting it, however bad you perceive it to be, it will be over very soon, and what will you have to show for it, you should be ashamed of yourself.

  7. Well that is sad. I know after loosing loved ones over the years that the only treasures worth having in the end are not material. I know it is nice to acquire beautiful things but too me the greatest joys are my family and friends and I am so happy when they succeed I feel good because I love them and want them to be happy. Be proud of who you are and be happy with what blessings you have or you will never enjoy life there is always someone with more money or a bigger flasher car so you will never get to where you want to be unless you can learn to be content it is still a beautiful world enjoy it while you can.

  8. I think the fact that you have acknowledged that the green eyed monster is consuming you,is already a great plus. Every minute is a new one, and we can instantly transform it and make it positive. So it’s now up to you to reprogram your thought patterns. Every time that monster comes to eat you up, give it a kick up the backside and send it flying. Start to fill your life with valuing your own lovely self and breathe in the beauty of who you truly are.

  9. I agree that you are probably suffering depression. Seek help from a doctor or counsellor .

    1 REPLY
    • Sometimes that doesn’t even help. Some people are so obsessed with their own needs and wants, they are still harping on it endlessly. Nothing I say makes any difference.

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