She lost the weight… and her personality too 47



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A very long time ago when I took my son to his first day of primary school, I met another young mum just like myself named Jenny. It has been over 38 years now since we met and we’re still catching up weekly. We’ve been there for each other through ups and downs, we’ve been there for each other through divorces, dating and infidelity and we’ve been there for each other through kilos. Lots of them!

Although in some ways it’s a very healthy friendship, we’ve also both used our catch ups as an excuse to eat naughty food. A slice of cake here and there, a coffee with one too many sugars or even a sweet breakfast. Then there’s the wine on top of that!

We’ve both ballooned and deflated over the years and nothing has changed. Except for Jenny’s last “deflation”. She’s lost weight – a lot of it. And she looks absolutely incredible! I couldn’t be prouder of her. She’s always been bigger than me as I am lucky to have a quick metabolism but her size has always bothered her. I’m not model proportions by any means, however I am happy with the way my body has looked for the last six years and I plan on keeping it that way.

But with Jenny’s transformation, she’s changed inside – not just on the outside. The easy going, hilarious and honest friend I’ve always enjoyed has turned into someone who’s almost obsessive. She counts calories, she can’t stop to have a break, she refuses to eat any of the things we once did. These are all fine, but I draw the line when her decisions start to affect how I feel about myself.

I’m so glad that she’s got this newfound sense of confidence and self love, but does she have to put others down to enhance that? If I sneak a cookie at coffee she’ll say, “oh, you’ll never lose that weight if you don’t cut that out”. When I buy something new she asks me, “What size is that top – I bought a size 10 last week”. And our conversations have gone from general updates about our lives and an interest in each other’s work, grandkids, family and hobbies to me listening about clean eating and how fabulous it is to be thin and how her “gym buddies” are all going shopping together to indulge.

I feel like the beautiful woman I once know has lost her weight, and with it her substance. She was always a little bothered by her weight but it never controlled her actions, her thoughts and her relationships like it does now.

It’s all well and good to be healthy, I encourage that (everything in moderation – including moderation!) but this isn’t about health. This is about how she feels about herself.

So today I want to know, have you experienced something similar? How have you dealt with a friend in a similar position? Share your thoughts in the comments below…

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  1. She sounds to be like a woman who is trying to keep on that weigh loss path and it is constantly on her mind, be tolerant for a time because that is a good thing for her, while she is thinking about her weight, there is a good chance she won’t slip and put it back on. You sound like a good friend.grin and bear it for a little longer

  2. Jenny’s decisions don’t define how you feel about yourself. You do.

    If Jenny is being rude or insulting, then you need to tell Jenny.

    Jenny is not in control of you, you’re weight or your feelings – you are.

    It’s time to have a heart to heart with Jenny.

  3. It is not easy being the “overweight” friend , when in the past you were the leaner one. Good on your friend..why don’t you follow her lead. Then you will have more in common..just a suggestion

  4. I have a friend who is a very large woman & just like Jenny she lost a huge amount of weight & her personality changed overnight she was no longer the fun loving out there person she was in fact inside herself she was miserable it was so sad to watch as she quickly drifted into depression then slowly she started putting the weight back on & she regained her wonderful personality she is now a plus size & back to her normal jovial self & very healthy. My thoughts on losing weight are its nice to have a lean body & wear nice clothes but in your 60s I’m 67 and I’m happy with my weight as I don’t put on much weight as I eat healthy & exercise nothing drastic a good walk & yoga are wonderful for me. I don’t think Jenny’s friend is jealous she has just lost the friend she knew & that’s hard when you have been friends for that long

    1 REPLY
  5. she will live longer and fitter.

    7 REPLY
    • Who says. Skinny fit people die at the same rate as fat unfit people. Ďisease and accidents don’t discriminate……

    • death does i carried my brother in laws coffin he was ten years younger than me .we only found four of us to carry the coffin , he was thirty stone i cried all the way in he could’nt get his weight down his feet were rotting he gave up dont tell me bullshit.

    • My sister has always been twice my size. I am a size 12. She is now 82 and very healthy. Me…I have had two lots of cancer and my white cell count is low. Slimmer people do not necessarily live longer than fatter people. Genes play a part too. My friend’s husband has been slim all his life, and has always watched what he eats, but has high cholesterol. His wife, who eats whatever she wants, is far healthier.

  6. She IS a different person now, she is slimmer, more in control of her health, more responsible about what she eats. To be as close to her as before, you will need to embark on a similar path as she has. She does not want to go back to where she was. That would be devastating for her. As her friend you too should want what is best for her even if it makes you miss who she was.

    2 REPLY
    • yes i think thats fine, but its a two way street in friendships, not one person controlling the conversations and especially about the food you are eating…. she may not want to go back to what she was before, and yes that takes work, but it is Her journey, and we can but stand to the side and cheer her along, but dont make it the be all and end all of your relationships.

    • That’s like a reformed smoker or drinker etc it becomes an obsession. Which is not healthy at all. There’s nothing worse than someone who has done something and expects everyone else to be the same. They start telling others how to live. Maybe have a talk to her. A gentle talk, tell her how proud you are of her but your not ready to go down that road and the more people try to get you too the more you resist

  7. Maybe she will stop being vocal about her food etc when the novelty of weight loss wears off. Just enjoy her achievement along with her. Weight is hard to dislodge and I understand how she feels. You can always change the subject when she becomes stuck on it.

  8. It doesn t always happen like that. I was feeling down about myself carrying a lot of weight, but I lost 30kg and my personality changed to a happier more confident person. It depends on the person really. I still have my treats just now it’s everything in moderation.

  9. The is no one more fanatical that a reformed addict be it cigarettes, alcohol, drug or food, can be a bit hard to take. But one thing stats do support and that is people with normal weigh have better health outcomes than their overweight contemporaries. Everyone keeps quoting the recent study but failed to note it quite clearly said short term no harm long term dangerous

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