Our Community Cares: The right amount of time to see my grandkids 96

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This week, community member Michelle wrote to us, asking for some community advice:

Hi. I have a problem I would like to share and get others’ opinions if I may. My daughter and my 2 grandchildren, aged 9 & 7, live approx 8 kms away from me. Moved here to be closer to and see more of the grandkids. Well, with school, dancing, swimming, footy, little athletics and homework, I am lucky to see them once a fortnight! Either if I go there or they come here. Am I being unreasonable? How often do others see grandkids that live so close?

Can you help her? What is your advice? 

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  1. One wise aunt of mine said “don’t move to be close to your children, because one day they could move on” and you are left behind. As it turned out, she was right. (I had not moved)

    1 REPLY
  2. I understand what you say. For me my grandchildren are in their late twenties so consequently I have 12 great grandchildren and I love them dearly. Would be lost if I didn’t have regular contact. Thank goodness my grandchildren include me in their children’s activities, watching them playing sport, dancing and singing also letting me babysit and picking them up from school even asking me to their homes for a meal. Perhaps you could let their mothers know how you feel and if you don’t drive could they pick you up occasionally.

  3. ur lucky to be so close to them Michelle.my daughter and 2 grandkids live overseas………i havent seen them in 4 yrs…..its tearing me apart…..just participate in any activities u can with them for the mere sake of being with them for as long as u can….

  4. thing is these kids have parents and a family and as hard as it is we dont come first on their list….i have my grandkids fighting from two different families who going to stay with me … one family are behaved one are feral…. both families have five kids..several years ago. my daughters husband took off and returned to USA so we stepped in and helped by taking the children weekends and parts of the holidays… now my son has children who also want the same…….. dont know any more how i can handle the situation as there is a lot of jealousy arising and i cant handle too many kids want want wanting……. with your situation maybe you could have them weekends provided you take them to their sporting ventures or dance or what ever is necessary… but like my daughter now says, she is the parent and they are her family and be grateful that she allows them to come .. i know that soon they wont want to be around old people….. so grab what ever opportunity you can if you only have two …..

  5. Personally I think you are being unreasonable. I have 6 of my 8 grandsons living within 5 to 10 mins away. They all have very busy lifestyles, with work, school and activities. Mums and Dads both work and then are a taxi service along with upkeep of there home and also personal private time. I only see the kids approx fortnightly I guess, sometimes more often sometimes less. Maybe your problem is you don’t have your own interests to keep you occupied. Join a club or U3a, don’t just sit around worrying about not seeing them. The less you see them the more excited they’ll be when you do. Another idea would be the taxi service for them to take pressure off Mum and Dad, that way you are helping out and seeing your grandchildren

  6. I too find that with the Children’s busy lives and our own commitments we don’t get to see the Grandchildren as much as one might like. However….Make sure that when you do see them you are happy. If possible spend time with the Children during School Holidays. This allows you to create shared experiences with them. Do NOT miss Birthdays, Christmas or Holidays.
    If they are able to join you on facebook or simply skype or imessage, just say hi or share a photo of something you have done to perk their interest. This can be the beginning of a great friendship that allows them to keep in touch as they grow and travel. (or if you travel)
    We don’t need to see our Grandchildren (or our children) constantly, just make sure that the time you do spend with them is quality time.
    We all have to hope that the small amount of time we can spend with our Grandchildren will have a lasting effect.
    I am always glad to receive a txt or Facebook 🙂 from my older Grandchildren who are now in their twenties and have their own lives, but clearly remember me sometimes!

  7. we are only able to see 2 of our grandkids by a court order ..and sometimes that time is when they have activities ..so we take them …win/ win for us all…

  8. You are lucky to see them so often, my only grandchild is in Canada. It is one of the realities as grandchildren get older, they have sport, music, clubs, friends all demanding of their time. The older they get the less time they get to spend with family. If there are two lots of grandparents that too can divide their time even more. As for moving to be closer to grandchildren and family think long and hard before making such a move, your own children and their children are living busy lives and often you can become a minuscule part in their lives, what are you leaving, what will you do once you move all things to consider.

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