Living apart together 147



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People have always been astonished when I tell them about my living situation. No, I’m not homeless, and no, I don’t live in a share house. I’m not a gypsy and I’m not a backpacker! In fact, I’m happily married and have been for the last 11 years. I live in a separate house to my husband and it’s the best thing I ever did…

Now, before you wonder what the hell is going on and how we do it, there’s a reason for it. I had a husband for 26 years who I lived with and had 4 children with. He was wonderful but I couldn’t help but feel stifled in our relationship. Instead of being two individuals, we became one amalgamated version of ourselves. We’d go to the shops together, we’d go out with our friends together…basically we didn’t have lives that allowed us to be anything but attached at the hip. I was a stay at home mum and he worked at home too so we barely spent a moment apart in all the years we were married.

Lo and behold, we got divorced in 1999 and it opened a whole new world to me. I could think and do things freely (nothing against my ex, he didn’t hold me against my will!) and for the first time ever, I had time for me. I was single for 3 years before I met Angelo on a solo flight I had to Italy. He was incredible and very kind. We got along like a house on fire but little did I know it would mean we wouldn’t even share the house….

While we were courting, I would stay at his home every few nights and vice versa. We lived around the corner from one another and in my single years, I’d made a fabulous little home for myself that I couldn’t bear to give up. I told Angelo about my predicament when he asked if I would live with him. I asked, “Why can’t we just live apart and still see each other most days?”. At first he was a little shocked but as we started to get busier with work and grandkids, it didn’t matter!

So it’s been 11 years and I still get my private time alone and I can decorate in loud, bright colours like I love to. Angelo has his space and I have mine. Helena Bonham Carter And what about our sex life, you say? We don’t need to plan it, I can be spontaneous! Arriving on his door step in a silk robe unannounced is definitely my idea of fun. We have sexy sleepovers and wine nights and the time apart just makes my heart grow fonder. I couldn’t think of a better living arrangement. I haven’t learnt to resent him or grow tired or annoyed by him – in fact, we have never had an argument. Now how crazy do I sound?


Would you ever live apart from your partner? Or do you love the closeness? Or do you wish you could? Do you already? Tell us below.

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  1. I think that is a great idea, and pleased you are happy

    1 REPLY
    • Did not mean those on the dole are cheating or the unmarried mothers, Should have said those that do not won’t to work, sorry if I offended anyone.

  2. Everyone has different needs but I don’t see a reason why you need to live alone to have your independence. Sharing your life with someone you love is what I call true commitment. Living apart is basically just courting.

    8 REPLY
    • Wendy, you are being very judgmental. Living apart may be “just courting” to you (a very flippant comment) but, to some people, it is how they choose to live their lives.

    • oh leave Wendy alone Peter Murray, she is entitled to her view, if you choose to live that way fine but don’t tell Wendy how to think

    • Leanna, your comments are fair enough. I just think that how people choose to live their lives is not for others to judge. Jean, your comments are not helpful…don’t care….brothel….better offers….what does all this mean??

      1 REPLY
      • If it is not for others to comment on why the hell would you put it on this website!!!!

    • What kind of a rude, nasty remark is that Jean? How on earth to you know what Peter’s situation is? How dare you speak to him like that with no knowledge of how, or who, he lives his life with.

    • Wendy is entitled to her opinion but her views can be commented on by others. Calling people who live apart in a relationship ‘just courting’ is indeed a flippant remark and degrading of what may be a very loving and serious relationship. A lot more possibly, than a lot of older couples I see who have been together forever and treat each other very badly, in word and deed.

    • What an interesting lot of comments. As Leanna said, everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and I thank you for your support Leanna, but according to you Peter, no one has the right to disagree on a subject because they might be offending someone?? Consequently I truly apologise to anyone who was offended by my comments.

    • Hi Wendy. You make a good point. I think that maybe it was your use of the word “courting” that got to me. On the positive side these comments are, as you say, “interesting.”

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