Let’s talk: Grandmothers wedded/welded to the grandchildren 208



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I’d love to hear social comment about my issue: Grandmothers wedded/welded to their grandchildren.

Prior to turning 70 almost 2 years ago, I thought I was way too young to be a grandfather. I was married and voluntary work (and TV sport) occupied most of my daily life. Since then our daughter has produced the first granddaughter and our son’s first child is due tomorrow! I am aware of retired grandfathers who exclude friendships for grandchildren, but these males in the main tend to be married. I am now encountering a predominance of women who are single either through a partner’s death, or through their own choice. Having become grandmother, they seem to form what I regard is a totally unhealthy attachment to their grandchildren. This is quite distinct to the issue of grandparents being taken advantage of by their offspring for child care, baby sitting and chief launderer duties. An aside to this is how frequently the grandparents observe if those they were house/baby sitting for spent less time on social media, rooms would be tidy, clothes would be washed, & laundry folded AND put away. Back to the main issue, I query why the grandmother excludes everything else in her life to bring up/support the grandchildren? No work, no partner, no social life, no sex life. Is this a guilt trip, is it the only place they find unconditional love? Why do they not feel they have SELF duty to explore that last stage of their lives? This challenge of grandmothering/parenting should, in my mind, be as inclusive of life as possible; not one of segregation/exclusion by choice.

Thank you to Bruce for sharing this with us. Now, over to you: What do you think? Is this a good thing? Or should grandmothers back off a little bit?

Guest Contributor

  1. I doubt if this happens very often,

    4 REPLY
    • I don’t! I think this guy is spot on. Women who obscess about grandchildren are usualy ‘barron’ in some other part of their life. If it’s one thing I cannot bear and that’s a lunch/social guest who wants to prattle on and on about her prodergy! Boring! When the photos get brought out I just ignore them!! So annoying!

    • I agree and disagree with some comments… I have been a hands on grandparent, being the only one alive right now, unfortunately. I don’t have a partner so have the time to shower my love on my grandchildren, but they are getting older, have their friends etc, sport (which I always go and watch) but we all realise their lives are changing too…. They are more independent and not needing us as much in a lot of ways… That time period of maybe 15-16 years is just a period in our lives we give willingly, to help support, guide and nurture our childrens children. Never overstepping the mark… Some fathers have to work away, or long hours and shouldn’t be made to feel guilty.. After all he is putting the roof over their heads and food on the table and paying for school fees etc… Cant be in both places at the same time…. Quality time then, is what is usually needed, and they are aware of that, both the children and fathers… I know some grand parents who are helicopter grandparents and are in their lives far too much, more or less taking over, when not asked to, but most are just there to give support and guidance for as long as it is needed.

    • Bruce, Wherever you are, I think you better write some more of your observations so we can sort out those categories. (Damn,Had to correct that. I put calories instead of categories you can tell where my brain usually is)

  2. Some do but I know a super one who is installing great knowledge and the best values and behaviour for them to grow up with. It’s a delight to see.

    1 REPLY
    • Becoming a grandparent and possibly parent as well so late IE: life choices have been all your own, I think you don’t get the giving side of grandparent role. Teaching. Nurturing. Kind and slow. All grandparents get the reward of the child growing with less responsibility on them for meeting the bills and responsibilities. And on what the ladies are giving up -sometimes those things weary one. It’s just not worth the trouble. (I am a new,long time married grandmother.)

  3. No I do not agree with Bruce .

    1 REPLY
    • I very much doubt, that very many grandmothers would agree with Bruce, Personally I cannot think of anything more full filling as spending time with my grand kids, As for Bruce maybe a bit of jealousy there Bruce, because you are not getting the full attention you think you deserve???? so please grow up!!!!!

  4. Sorry Bruce I have to disagree with you, I think most Grandmothers are very close to their Grandkids, more so than Grandfathers it doesn’t mean they love their partners any less or have less time for them. You sound a little resentful that you are somehow not getting the attention you want or need.

  5. bruce, you are an idiot. grandmothers exclude everything else because they get more satisfaction from devoting their lives to their grandchildren. finally they can have all of the pleasure & none of the stress. you bruce as a man, could never understand. so do not try. men in general lack the sensitivity chip that makes grandmothers what they are. Are you jealous because you are not the centre of their universe? no doubt men have fallen short with these women, & they prefer their grandkids. no, I am not single, I am married.

    13 REPLY
    • Julie u r crazy. My kids were raisee bye as a mabal wife. X always overseas. It didnt take long 4 us not 2 need him. Kids grew up left schpol got jobs left home early kust like i did. I cried i wanted to leave home with them but they adjusted to their independent lifestyles. Bought their own homes have families. Im proud of them. Theu dont need me to drag the chain aftr them.

    • one more comment. my hubby also loves our grandies, & serves as a fil in father they can always rely on when their deadbeat dad doesn’t bother to visit them or spend time with them

    • i don’t really understand some of your comments such as what is a mabal wife? whose ex was always overseas? it just does make sense. also as isaid later, 3 of my grandsons are noe teenagers & independantly healthy as it should be

    • No Elaine but you need to learn to spell.Julie I adore my grandchildren too,you made sense.

    • Julie M Stengewis re Elaine King’s post. – transpose keys one to the left – and you get “Raised by me as a naval wife”. Not the only thing you don’t get I’d say. Clearly you don’t have wide enough social connections or social experience to understand what Bruce wrote – which does make sense and is not uncommon.

    • Julie. Misprint.. naval wife. X always overseas doing his thing. Amother deadbeat dad. Im glad u care for yur grandkids. Its nice. I had no one to help me. I luved it when my gramps would go to his garage n built me toys like a doll house.blackboard Cradle.. my handmedown bike. etc. Dads should be 4 their kids but some dont care..

  6. We have in total 9 grandchildren, 2 little girls who live close by, 2 more little girls who live on the mid north coast and are inaccessible to us on a daily basis, 2 more girls and 3 boys who live in Sydney – we live in Lake Macquarie at the southern end of the lake, so Sydney is totally accessible to us within about 1hr 40mins. Obviously, we spend more time with our 2 local littlies, we pick them up from daycare once per week and look after them when required. I’m not the sort of grandmother who can’t be away from them though – we have a house we are renovating, and other interests as well. My sister retired almost 2 years ago and is OBSESSIVE about the 2 she has and they are now 11 and 9. She has been divorced from her one and only husband now since her own kids were in infants school – is it any wonder, she’s the way she is.

  7. Their choice anyway. Who says what you should do? If you prefer to be with grandchildren rather than adults etc, there is nothing wrong with that.

  8. maybe those are the grandmothers who have spent most of the week being the carer for the grandchildren they are too tired to do anything else and or do not need anything else in their life. different strokes for different folks.

  9. I love my Grandkids and would do any thing for them I could I don’t get to see them that much but I think about them every day you Bruce are very unusual in my opinion

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