It’s not selective hearing: The real reason your partner can’t hear you when they’re busy 14



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When our partner ignores us, we often think they’re doing it deliberately, and berate them for having ‘selective’ hearing. A new study has shown it’s actually not their fault.

According to a study by the University College London, concentrating attention on a visual task can render you momentarily ‘deaf’ to sounds at normal levels.

The study, published in the Journal of Neuroscience, suggests that the senses of hearing and vision share a limited neural resource.

Brain scans from study volunteers found that when they were engaged in a demanding visual task, the brain response to sound was significantly reduced. Examination of people’s ability to detect sounds during the visual demanding task also showed a higher rate of failures to detect sounds, even though the sounds were clearly audible and people did detect them when the visual task was easy.

“This was an experimental lab study which is one of the ways that we can establish cause and effect. We found that when volunteers were performing the demanding visual task, they were unable to hear sounds that they would normally hear,” explains study co-author Dr Maria Chait (UCL Ear Institute). “The brain scans showed that people were not only ignoring or filtering out the sounds, they were not actually hearing them in the first place”.

So instead of calling it ‘selective hearing”, it should be called “inattentional deafness” because in fact we aren’t able to control what we can hear.

“Inattentional deafness is a common experience in everyday life, and now we know why,” says co-author Professor Nilli Lavie (UCL Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience) “For example, if you try to talk to someone who is focusing on a book, game or television programme and don’t receive a response, they aren’t necessarily ignoring you, they might simply not hear you! This could also explain why you might not hear your train or bus stop being announced if you’re concentrating on your phone, book or newspaper.

“This has more serious implications in situations such as the operating theatre, where a surgeon concentrating on their work might not hear the equipment beeping. It also applies to drivers concentrating on complex satnav directions as well as cyclists and motorists who are focusing intently on something such as an advert or even simply an interesting-looking passer-by. Pedestrians engaging with their phone, for example texting while walking, are also prone to inattentional deafness. Loud sounds such as sirens and horns will be loud enough to get through, but quieter sounds like bicycle bells or car engines are likely to go unheard”.

So next time you need your partner’s attention, try to get them to stop doing anything that uses their eyes… good luck!


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  1. Doesn’t need to even be on the computer or watching TV, I talk to a brick wall all the time.

  2. Patti me too,women don’t do it as they always had to multi task & be aware of what kids were doing,we do & listen to lots of things at once,men only do one thing at a time & turn off,bloody frustrating..

  3. Not true, as if I go bolistic about him not listening he often then can repeat what I said even though he hadn’t reacted at all.

  4. So ladies, from you comments, and at the risk of being bombarded with replies, does it infer that women hear but ignore in certain circumstances? 🙂

  5. Vic does this to me! He might even start a sentence, but stop half way through, distracted by what’s on TV. But, when he talks
    to me, when I’m using my iPad, or reading, well, I just better bloody listen!

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