Is it easier to love your grandkids than your own children? 226



View Profile

I was talking to my mother a few weeks ago and there was something she said that had me thinking: she said she found it easier to love her grandchildren than her own. I was standing there and she just said it! But in all honesty, it makes sense.

She expanded on what she meant and after the initial shock, I think there are a lot of grandparents who can agree.

When my mum had her first child, she was 19. Back then, a lot of her friends had babies in their late teens and early 20s, and it was the done thing. But she had no money and it was very, very difficult. Her and my father had to take turns working on their farm and they suffered through droughts.

It wasn’t a happy time for her, but she made the most of it. My mother got pregnant five more times whilst on that farm, and we’d generally take care of ourselves. It was what it was like for everyone in the 50s, says my mum. She and her friends barely had time to see each other, and she felt deeply regretful for not being able to spend as much time playing and teaching us as she could have. She was just trying to give us a good life.

Fast forward to me now and my mother loves her grandchildren like you wouldn’t believe. It’s almost like watching stranger interact with your kids, but in a very pleasant way – she’s just nothing like the mother I knew. That tired, hard working mum I knew all those years. Now she’s relaxed, carefree and has boundless energy.

And when she explained why loving her grandchildren was easier than loving her own children, she said it was a different love. It wasn’t able to be compared because she loved her six kids, but always felt like that part of her that wasn’t attentive or always kind was ingrained in them. She just is able to express her love more openly through her grandchildren.

Couple that with that rosy view she and all other grandparents have of their grandchildren, and you don’t feel that overwhelming pressure to be the perfect parent. You are, to put it bluntly, relieved of the pressure to perform every day, and that any little thing you say or do will have an impact in the same way a parent’s does.


So I want to know what you think: Did you feel it was easier to love your grandkids that your own children?

Starts at 60 Writers

The Starts at 60 writers team seek out interesting topics and write them especially for you.

  1. No. I’ve never loved my girls more especially giving me the most beautiful grandchildren who I love just as much as my girls. The difference is, to me anyway and I hope can explain what I mean….we have had our children and watched them grow into adults and then all of a sudden, we have ‘little people’ in our life again. Of course we’re going to love them , who doesn’t like babies, it’s like we have our own children back again and we go through the same cycle, watch our grandies grow into adults. But, I love my girls as much if not more and having the grandies is an extra added special bonus.

  2. I know i am not going be around 4 eva so the love i have 4 my grandgirl is a proud special love because of the values of taught her father i know she will have a good life… Peace 🙂

  3. I especially like the part where you give them back to their parents when they’ve become tired and cranky and just had enough of everything and want MUM!

  4. Regret how too much time was put into our jobs just to keep the income coming in and missing time with our children. Now retired we have the time to be involved with our grandchildren and it is pure joy.

    7 REPLY
  5. Brave lady to admit this, but she only said that she found it easier to love grandkids and I can relate, not as stressful and easier to enjoy them.

  6. I loved my boys with a love I’d never experienced before! I was definitely like a tiger with her cubs. I also was quite young but it was the done thing back then. I also remember the “having it all”, mentality we were expected to have? Coming home from work exhausted and then playing mum and wife. My boys always say they had a great time, yet all I remember is the constant running around. Yet, now I make the time and we do things at a more leisurely pace with the grandies. Wish I’d done the same 40 odd years ago!

  7. I think you just appreciate the fact that you get to have all the fun without the same level of responsibility as a full time parent, and we realise just how fast this precious time passes, I don’t love all of mine any more or less that I did their parents.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *