If your long term partner did this, would you leave them? 56



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We all know too well the rollercoaster of relationships. They can be bliss, they can be a nightmare, and they can be somewhere in between. Life is meant to be challenging, and thus sometimes we have to put up with things we don’t necessarily agree with.

One such example has been flooding in with the news today, a question of just how much you would tolerate from a partner with straying eyes. We’ve heard about the Ashley Madison hacks and how millions of men have had their private data revealed, but what we may not have known is just how devious this website was, and we’re not talking about its entire premise.

Ashley Madison branded itself as a place you could have an affair because hey, life’s short, but the one thing they hid from their paying members was that there may have been little to no women on the site at all…

Let’s think about this for one second: if your long term partner was found to be looking for an affair, but didn’t actually have one, is that still a betrayal? And if that person expresses their deepest desires online, potentially in your house, but never acted upon it, is that still cheating?

It’s really hard to say, but when data revealed from Ashley Madison also shows the minimal amount of females online, you have to wonder if this site was just a wasteland for desperate men, or was it just a place to fantasise? And honestly, who hasn’t done that from time to time when they’re in a committed relationship? Does the setting matter? Or is it more about the intention?

Ashley Madison has fake female profiles – that’s now out in the open – but just how many, and how many real women?

Gizmodo editor-in-chief Annalee Newitz took a closer look at the data and found that barely any of the 5.5 million profiles marked as “female” actually used the website.

She checked email addresses and found around 10,000 accounts that use the ashleymadison.com domain, which is a sure sign that they’re fake. Next, Newitz discovered that 68,709 female profiles were created from a single IP:, i.e. they were definitely made by the company.

Just 1,492 real women ever checked their matches on the site, compared with 31 million men. That’s quite confronting data when you think about it. You’d have better chances winning the lotto than having an affair.


So we want to know today, if your partner went on Ashley Madison, but realistically never did anything, is it still a betrayal? Is it cheating? Or is it excusable?

Starts at 60 Writers

The Starts at 60 writers team seek out interesting topics and write them especially for you.

  1. Oh really? Where did you come from Tim? You’re definitely not a regular on this site.
    Back to the subject at hand, not grounds for divorce, but it would ring alarm bells still. A lot of questions would be forthcoming.
    (Where has everybody gone to?)

    1 REPLY
  2. If it was me I would assume the worst, and I would start looking for any other signs, if your brazen enough to advertise yourself online to have an affaire , then you have probably been having affair’s closer to home and were not caught

  3. Just goes to show how gullible men can be…. By the way “sipping schadenfreude and throwing stones” – cute. Think I’ll steal that one.

  4. I would be looking at my partner in a different light. Life would go on, but once the smallest crack appears in your trust, it can never be the same as it was.

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    • Agree with both of you. But also realise the grass is not greener on the other side. No relationship or marriage is perfect. None of us are perfect. Our 40 year marriage is better than a lot I know even with the mended crack.

  5. I have been married to a man who constantly did this and didn’t stop. ..he begged me to stay but after so many chances and promises he kept doing it. ..he said he didn’t know why..it was like a sickness but destroyed me emotionally and my self respect. ..he still does it no matter who he’s with. ..yes betrayal

    6 REPLY
    • Thanks Merran yes the best thing I ever did was leaving even though it took a couple of years to get my confidence back. ..he lost all friends etc and begged me to come back. ..so peaceful now without him and the hurt…should have left much sooner. ..happy now

    • Very pleased to hear you are happy and peaceful now. Life is a swings and roundabout thing. But we do need to take good of ourselves. Oh well – …and leave him you did. Well done you.

    • Ty…it’s very hard for a lot of women out there. ..like me had never been by themselves and they wonder how they could manage. ..that’s the reason many stay in an unhappy and unhealthy place. ..I want to encourage them. ..peace is a beautiful place

    • Barb…leave if still there…a terrible place to be in…I didn’t think I could do it but my self respect needed to do it. ..amazing. ..we survive and so much peace

  6. I just read this one on a friends post. And remember There are Priests in the High church who can marry.

    Bob goes to his friend Sam and says “I’m sleeping with the priest’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?”

    The friend doesn’t like it but being a friend, he agrees. After mass, he starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

    Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks Bob what he’s really up to. Bob, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest… “My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.

    “The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob’s shoulder and says…

    “You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago”

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    • Yes I thought it would just fit into the stream. I’m coming from a different angle, I’ve been married twice and have lived on my own for 37 years of my adult life and to be honest nothing surprises me. And YES I did not stray while I was married, I didn’t have time and did not need the complications. 😉

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