I don’t have grandkids and I’m not missing out on anything… 15



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Another week means another lunch with my closest friends. I love them all dearly, we raised our children together within two streets of each other and we’ve been best friends for decades. However as we’ve aged our lifestyles have changed and I’m the odd one out.

I looked forward to having grandkids for so many years. I wanted them more than anything else. In fact, on a couple of occasions I actually purchased baby clothes in anticipation for the day that I was a grandmother! However I have not been so lucky.

My son married but divorced two years later. That was 11 years ago now and it’s unlikely he’ll enjoy being a father in his lifetime. My daughter was looking forward to being a mother and we’d talk about her plans for the day she did have that title. But she and her husband found out they couldn’t have children six years ago and have decided to enjoy each others’ company instead of seek alternate options.

You see, I wanted grandchildren so badly but the harsh reality is that I’ll never have them. Every week when I’m with my friends I spend hours listening to them talk about their grandkids, about the funny things they say, about their achievements and the trials and tribulations of being a hands-on grandparent. I enjoy hearing the stories and I enjoy asking them questions about it all but for so long I felt sorry for myself and it did nothing. So I’ve taught myself to feel like I’m not missing out on anything.

I can go to big family functions and enjoy young children, I can accompany my friends to support their grandkids and I can invite the many families I know over for dinner but at the end of the night I’ve taught myself to be glad to be alone again.

I’ve made the conscious decision to enjoy my free time, spend time with my children doing adult things like going on holidays and going to shows instead of spending time babysitting and playing at the beach or in the backyard with them.

I’ve made the conscious decision to look at grandchildren as something that isn’t always desirable. A situation that ties you to one place or one person.

I know this all sounds harsh, but I’ve had no other option.

Deep down, I know I’m missing out on love, happiness and one of the most special relationships that humans have. But I can’t spend my life being miserable and wishing for something that I’ll never have. So for now my position is that I don’t have grandchildren and I’m not missing out on anything.

Tell me, are you without grandchildren too? Did you want them? How have you dealt with it? Share with us below.

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  1. Sadly I won’t ever be a Grandmother. Last year my only child informed me he doesn’t want kids. That’s fine with me his choice. Happily I have heaps of great neices & great nephews to spoil. I don’t feel like I have missed out.

    1 REPLY
    • hope my son thinks the same so far so good. I like animals.

  2. go girl, good positive attitude.

  3. For years I thought grandchildren wouldn’t be part of our life, at the time I would have loved to share my life with a hoard of them, but it wasn’t looking possible, but there are no promises in life and I always make the most of what comes my way, feeling sad or envious of my friends would just take more happiness from my life, we were lucky just when we’d given up four little grandchildren came our way, only to have a family argument mean that we can no longer see two of them, I choose to enjoy the two I can and hope that one day we will have the other two very much loved ones back, life’s too short to be miserable about what we don’t have, it’s far better think positively and love and appreciate what we do !

  4. I had always assumed that I would have grandchildren. In fact I did, but unfortunately they all live in other states, so I rarely see them. They are very nice and polite too me when they speak on the phone or the internet but because I have never been an active part of their lives there is no closeness. I don’t mean this in a negative or bad way, it is just the way ‘life’ worked out. I am happy with my solitude but it was a big adjustment knowing that I would never be the ‘normal’ grandmother.

    1 REPLY
    • I felt better after reading your post as knowing other people are in similar situations helps! Thanks.

  5. I have a 30 yo son who is my only child and he has a disability and working within that industry 3 days a week. I cannot foresee in the future that he will ever marry and have children. I now dote on my great nieces & nephews and have pleasure in doing it. I myself would love to be a grandparent at sometime into the future. Nowadays people are not getting married young, they are doing similar to what my parents did….my father married at 51yo to my mother who was 18yo. If things work out sometime in the future that I do become a grandparent in my will only be too happy to accept that child into our family what ever age I am ..but I won’t be holding my breathe 🙂

  6. I have grandchildren and I love being with them and all the things you hear about spending time with children and being able to return them to their parents are true. I also appreciate my solitude, “feel the serenity.”

  7. I have grandchildren but they are in Perth and my daughter shares with her father and is hardly communicative especially after separating from her fiancée so I feel I don’t really have any. I was so sad at first but I have accepted it now. I cope by seeing kids of the same age when I am out and pretend they are them! I only have my son and hubby but am happy enough.

  8. My sons are 38, 34 and almost 30. My husband is nearly 68 and I’m 66. While nearly all my peers are grandparents, we are still waiting patiently for that day.
    But in the meantime, I volunteer at a primary school, and as my youngest son said Surrogate grandies eh Mum!
    I’m going to visit family in NZ next week, so hopefully can have a cuddle of our 6 month old great niece

  9. Glad you have such a positive attitude. I have two grandsons who I adore and see at least once a week when I pick them up from school. I looked after them 2 days a week until they started school and I have them in school holidays. I love being a hands on Grandma and I only hope that if I was in your position I would have your attitude and not feel sorry for myself. Great article.

  10. Never even been allowed to be a mother. Husband number one always said that if I became fat or pregnant he would leave me. I did neither but left him ( He has gone on since to his present wife who has done both)
    Husband number two, couldn’t give us a family after his vasectomy that his previous wife insisted on. They had one daughter who has since died through drugs, resulting in Aids.
    We have now been together 34 years & although he tried a reverse vasectomy it didn’t work. So we have our dogs who we love very much – although we can’t put them through Uni. they are very well educated !! Every dog we have had over the years has been previously either mistreated ,abandoned or placed into a dog home. Once into their home here they find love, kindness &security.
    So, no can’t ever fulfill my wish of either children or Grandchildren but the total unconditional love from & to our two dogs does go a long way to help that maternal instinct be fulfilled.

    1 REPLY
    • well done Terri that is so cool I prefer pets to grandkids

  11. I really feel for all who don’t have grandchildren. I have 2 so far, and love them both to the moon and back. 🙂

  12. My daughter had 12 miscarriages in the first trimester. It was very painful for her, and for me, knowing how painful it was for her. She had her husband would have made wonderful parents. I encouraged her to go to counselling. After two sets of counselling she has accepted that she is not going to have children. Both of them have accepted that. I have encouraged them to do all the things they could not do if they had children, and they are doing that now. My daughter does not spend much time with women who talk about their children all the time. Both of them have a wide range of friends whose children are either grown or who do not have children. They have many nieces and nephews. I do not hang around women who talk about their grandchildren either. I have a number of good friends and all of them have many interests and we all talk about ideas as well as being very involved in helping others. My daughter and I are very close, although we do not live close to each other. However, we always get together twice a year and have Mum/Daughter times. My daughter is now 43 and realises that at her age, she would no longer have the patience to be a Mum of a baby or toddler. Her nieces and nephews are now either grown or almost grown and love their Auntie.

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