Fifty Shades of Grey… a poem 182

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The missus bought a Paperback,

down Shepton Mallet way,

I had a look inside her bag…

T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,

And at ten I went to bed.

An hour later she appeared;

The sight filled me with dread.

In her left hand she held a rope;

And in her right a whip!

She threw them down upon the floor,

And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;

I might have had a peek;

But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;

She’s eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;

Could not have been much grimmer.

And things then went from bad to worse;

She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet

A couple minutes later;

She put her teeth back in and said

“I am a dominator!!”

Now if you knew our Mabel,

You’d see just why I spluttered,

I’d spent two months in traction

For the last complaint I’d uttered.

She stood there nude and naked

Bent forward just a bit

I went to hold her, sensual like

and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;

My God what had I done!

She moaned and groaned then shouted out:

“Step on the other one!!”

Well readers, I can tell no more;

Of what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair,

Turned fifty shades of grey!!

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  1. They say Pam didn’t write it, John Summers did!

    2 REPLY
    • I read recently that Pam Ayres denied it being one of hers. From the Guardian UK………….

      “Ayres, though, took to Twitter this morning after actor Tanya Franks told her that she’d ‘just read your 50 Shades of Grey poem – the mental images of Mabel and hubby are laughingly and howlingly disturbing’.
      Ayres, though, says she “DID NOT write this poem. It is doing the rounds on the internet etc, but it is nothing to do with me”.

      It looks like it was actually one John Summers who wrote it.

      The ‘Grey’ book is titillating at best but definitely not destined to be one of the classics. :biggrin:
      My library ‘holds’ list is endless ! 😆 😆 😆

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