Coming to terms with never being a grandmother again 39



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My youngest son is married to a beautiful, accomplished, intelligent young woman. Almost three years ago they had their first child, my first grandchild, and both were enthusiastic about the prospect of adding to their family ‘sooner rather than later’. In the interim though, something got in the way – ‘personal ambition’ – more so on the part of my daughter in law, me thinks.

In conversation, we touched on the subject of when my grandson might have a sibling and I came to the conclusion that ‘they will never have the time’! Unless they come to the realisation that, contrary to what they were led to believe, you can’t have everything you want! At least not without giving up something else or at best, re-prioritising.

There are plenty of good reasons why having another baby is not on the cards at the moment. Paying off the credit card debt (incurred whilst they were ‘footloose and fancy free’); completing the renovations to their house; not to mention their individual commitments to their careers. However, the most ‘honest’ reason given by my daughter in law was ‘I’m not ready yet’ and I’m not sure she has relayed that to my son.

As a much younger woman, I ‘wanted’ three or four children but after my two sons were born, I had to be ‘honest’ with myself – I wanted to be other than someone’s wife; I wanted to be other than someone’s mother; I wanted to work again (other than part time jobs just to supplement our income); I wanted to be ‘me’ and I would never be ‘ready’ to have another baby! Thankfully, for different reasons, my husband came to the same conclusion – more children were not on the cards for us.

As much as I would love another grandchild, I’d rather my son and daughter in law be ‘honest’ with each other, and if their ‘priorities’ can’t include having another child, then don’t!

Having my sons was my greatest achievement in life! BUT if we hadn’t ‘prioritised’ differently, the father of my grandson would never have been born!


Did you have to consider not having more children? What choice did you make and why?

Susan Leighton

  1. We don’t always get what we want when we want, however in saying that it is no one else’s business other than the couple themselves, stay out of it and let them work it out for themselves!

    3 REPLY
    • My sentiments exactly! I can never understand why some parents feel the need to be grandparents…it’s no big deal

    • I’m sorry if you got that impression, I love all 8 of my Grandkids however my point was that it’s not our business when or even if our kids have children.

    • No intention of doing otherwise, Trish. That would be tantamount to ‘disaster’ in any parent/adult child relationship. Instead, I share my thoughts on ‘Starts at 60’!

  2. I had some personal losses then adopted a child…..married a man with children later and the grandkids came en masse… them all and gave out and gave out again!…..however, with the adult personalities involved there’s times I’m glad we have a dogs in our lives!

  3. Wouldn’t ask….but am very blessed to have 7…….next will be greats I think but who knows!!!

  4. Really, who says your son really does want another child. Just because he may tell you that it doesn’t mean that is what he really wants. Maybe he just tells you what you want to hear.
    I read an underling resentment towards your daughter in law in your post.
    It’s a personal choice as to whether or not we have children and how many we have.
    Why not just enjoy the grand child you have and be thankful. If your son and daughter inlaw want another child they will make that decision on their own. They should not feel obligated to you to have another child.

    2 REPLY
    • I had the same idea about her feelings about the daughter in law, she needs to mind her own business, it’s not about her, it’s their decision to make without questions from her.

    • Hey guys, hold on here! My daughter in law and I have an open and honest relationship and that’s why we can talk about these things. She’s not afraid to hear my thoughts or opinions and I’m not afraid to give them. Their life is their own and they will live it according to their own rules. When we were discussing this topic and their very valid reasons for delaying having another child, she said ‘and I’m not ready’ which I felt was the ‘real’ reason and she agreed. I just wasn’t sure she had shared that with my son. And FYI Ruth, my son has never told me what I want to hear! Just like his mother, he says it ‘like it is’ and I admire him for that.

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