Christmas is a sad time for me… Is it the same for you? 326



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Christmas is a beautiful time. It is a time for love and happiness and most importantly, family. But that is why I don’t look forward to it – my family. We haven’t ever had a big fight, we’ve only said kind words to each other and I love them very much, but over the last few years, my grandchildren are distancing themselves from me. Every Christmas I want to spend time with them and I’m just reminded that they don’t want to the same from me.

I’ve been a constant presence in the lives of my grandchildren; I’ve babysat them, cared for them, done the school pick ups and drop offs and have watching their dancing, singing and music concerts and supported them at their sporting games. But they’ve hit the early teenage years and I suppose it is no longer “cool” to be seen with your Grandma.

Because of this, they hug me, but not like they used to. They will speak to me but their words are short and they don’t laugh with me anymore. The girls are a little more responsive and engaging than the boys but not by that much.

I know I’m getting older and I’m not up to date on everything in their lives and the way the world works sometimes, but I accept that and I try my hardest. I get them the Play Station games they ask for, I give them tickets to their favourite sporting games and I surprise them by baking their favourite treats and dropping them in on a Sunday night so they can enjoy them in their school lunches each week.

For so many years our family Christmas day tradition has been the same: the families have breakfast independently, then we all take turn in hosting a lunch that turns into a dinner. The kids play in the pool, we all eat, we play street cricket with the neighbours and spend the night grazing on left overs.

A few years ago I would spend the day laughing and smiling. The grandkids would take turns in sitting on my lap and as they got too old for that they’d sit beside me and we’d talk about what they’d learnt that year, whether or not they were excited for next year, what new activities they wanted to try and who they were seeing on the holidays.

I loved our Christmas day chats and I think that they did too.

But now that has stopped. I feel like they talk to me out of obligation. I feel like they see me sitting there talking with the adults and think I’m “too old” or “too out of touch” to connect with them.

I don’t mean to whinge about my situation, because at best I am incredibly lucky to have a family that spends time together and beautiful grandchildren to love. But to me, Christmas is a sad time, because I’m reminded of this growing void.

Do you understand what I’m going through? Can you relate to it? Share your thoughts in the comments below…

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  1. I hear you 🙁

    1 REPLY
    • I feel for you all. I don’t have my grandparents any more, and I lost my parents, my mother five years ago and my father four years ago. So I am very sad at Christmas time and what makes it worse I don’t have a sister anymore cause she just doesn’t want to know me anymore, and I don’t know the reason why??? But, I put on a smiling face for my husband and daughter that I thank God that I have them in my life. I hurt inside but I keep going on strong. Maybe one day my sister will wake up, but, it might be to late for me to accept her back in my life again. Merry Christmas and bless you all.

  2. Christmas is the saddest time for me as l never see my grandchildren ever + this season really brings home the hurt. They only live 10 mins away. To those lucky grandpatents have a great Xmas.

    16 REPLY
    • so sorry Helen I can relate, my son lives over the hill from me and I won’t see him either.. I hope you have a lovely Christmas anyway

    • I also feel for you as I have 2 grandsons who live not far from me and whom I never see. Apparently I am a bad person!

    • Ladies…I’ve been there….for four Christmases….it was just the worst time of my life. Do not give up hope. I will pray for you all.

    • I know how you feel Helen Starr I also don’t see my grandchildren and they live in the street behind where I live it hurts so much so I know the pain you and other grandparents are going through.I figure one day they will be old enough to make their own decisions and want to come to see us.So don’t give up love I’m not.Enjoy your Xmas and like me just live and pray in hope.

    • SHAME SHAME SHAME on the pitiful and selfish parents (adult children…namely the Mothers who can’t separate their ADULT issues from their “CHILDREN” issues!!) who punish and deny their PARENTS the RIGHT to see their Grandchildren… we all feel for you Helen and others suffering the same INJUSTICE… been there done that… not nice. But keep the love tank filled… God will do the rest 🙂 Merry Christmas to all….remember Grandchildren grow up as well and hopefully seek answers for themselves!!! My heart goes out to all… keep BELIEVING for a great outcome… I am for you!! xoxoxoxoxo

      1 REPLY
      • Annmarie, you are assuming that it is the parents fault that the Grandparents don’t get to see their grandchildren. Sometimes the Grandparent/s have destroyed the relationship with their own children and hence with their Grandchildren. Not all parents are selfish in keeping their children apart from their parent as it could be putting them in harms way, either physically or emotionally or morally. Please don’t just assume. Get both sides of the story and then walk in their footsteps. As it is impossible to get both sides of the story on this site then please don’t allocate blame

    • Know how you feel, it seems grand-parents just don’t come into the equation. As Pamela said don’t give up hope as they grow up & make up their own mind.
      Depends on who is blocking them but if it is the mother, just remember at some point they may be a grand-parent down the track & the same may happen to them. Just saying 🙂

    • Oh that’s so sad, since losing my husband my darling grandchildren make every day worth while, they keep me sane. Hopefully when yours are older and ask questions maybe they will visit you. Perhaps make a little journal so when they are older they can read it and know why you weren’t allowed in their lives. Writing a journal I found helps heaps I started one when my husband passed and added to it daily now it’s whenever I get the chance but for me it’s great to see how far I have come. For you it would be a story for the grandchildren to read and make up their own minds. Hope u get to see them soon xoxox

    • There is a growing phenomenon world wide. Adult children ignoring or abandoning their parents. Such pain.

    • I’m in the same boat as is my son both girls are old enough to ring us but unfortunately their mother is all they care about and she is doing a great job of brainwashing them , one day they’ll wake up but will we still be here ?

    • I am in the same situation my daughter who lives very close – doing the baby sitting being the child taxi etc etc life was good. Then she became single and life changed she only has eyes for him the new bloke I feel as though I am on the rubbish heap he must be controlling her as she has called here to see me about 5 times this past year . I dread xmas, I live alone and know what its like to spend xmas day alone.In the past her family would come here for mid morning brunch and as she is a chef it was dinner at hers but that has all changed. I spent xmas day alone last year the day before she called to say she was coming round and I felt excited but it was short lived as she had come to bring back things I had given her over the past years. Now the grandchildren cant be bothered to come either – boring grandma except on their birthdays !! Oh one gets used to the pain just have to accept it as it is their lives and they must live it how they want. I cam from a big family of nine and times were good very good

    • Yes have done all the running, babysitting the lot now they are older don’t need us any more, oh well to late to go back to all I gave up to do this..

    • Oh Helen, I feel for you because I am in the same situation, last xmas I spent on my own, but didnt tell anyone, I hate christmas, I have 3 grandchildren who dont even know me, due to this dreadful person my daughter married, no wonder his first wife left him!! My daughter and I were so close but this creep didnt like, whoops! sorry cant go on!

      1 REPLY
      • Diana, it seems that our girls allow themselves to be controlled by the men they marry, my daughter wrote a beautiful letter to me after her marriage to him, thanking me for being her Mum & she would be my little girl forever. But he changed her so much & he had no intention of ever allowing me to know my grandchildren. People say they will come looking for me when they are older, but I doubt it. He turned my daughter against me, so he has probably done the same with my grandchildren. Hopefully he will get back the pain he has caused.

  3. Just remember if you weren’t there they would miss you! They are just starting out on life’s journey with so many decisions to make. In times of trouble they almost always call Nan, take heart and enjoy them while you can

  4. I feel for you all it must be horrible.We live in same town and I see them whenever they want to stay .We go shopping or even just for a milk shake or ice cream.Time spent with them is very special . I work full time , but always make time for my grandchildren. I hope one day it all changes for you and you do get to spend time with them.They are a part of you ,they are your grandchildren .

  5. I have 5 grandchildren the three eldest are teenagers and then there is an 8 year old and 4 year old. My teenagers do the same to me but they still love me as do yours! The other 2 I can still play with altogether it is getting harder with the 8 year old! I guess it is the way of the world with social media they don’t communicate like we did with our grandparents!

    2 REPLY
    • Two of my grandkids have me on their Facebook friends….however, I’m VERY careful not to tag them in any posts that could embarrass them! I don’t want to be de friended!!!!

    • I can relate to that, already had the 15 year old telling me not to comment! I did say he could delete me but he said no as he loved me!

  6. I think all kids go through the teenage years were they do not want to be kids and they treat everyone differently you should not feel sad just watch they will go through that and come out grown and happy to have a Grandmother again. Do you remember your own children as teens or have the years made you forget. If they sense you are unhappy they will take off !

  7. This is life, every one moves on children grow up it happens to most of us Grans but u are still in their life so be happy for them and the good times u had. Have a great Christmas with your family and be thankful you have them. Many oldies are alone at this time of year…

  8. I am pretty sure most of us can relate to what you are going through and fully understand how you are feeling. It seems a sad fact of life that our grandchildren do change in their attitude towards their grandparents as they grow into teenage years. Sometimes we remember the obvious love and affection that they openly showed towards us and we miss that special innocence of very young grandchildren. But that is the way things go and unless your circumstance is very different I am sure you will come to terms with it and continue to love and enjoy the company of your grandchildren as they grow to adulthood. They in turn will always love and respect you but maybe not so openly and maybe with a little less enthusiasm.

  9. Maybe that’s true … my grandchildren are still young. But surely they will “come back” once the teenage years are over …I know mine did to their own grandparents

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