You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish: the best puns of 2014

“Logophile” is a word used to describe someone with a love of phrases, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless”.  A competition to see who can come up with the best Logophile is held every year. Here’s some of the runners up, with this year’s winner at the very end!

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles UCLA

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you’ve seen one shopping Center you’ve seen a mall.

.. Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

.. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of the wretched crop:  Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end

Thanks to Brian for sending this one in! If you want to read some other great humour and jokes, click here. Or to submit one of your own to share with the Starts at 60 community, click here.