Workplace Musings

1 – I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

2 – Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

3 – Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

4 – Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again.

5 – I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

6 – On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

7 – I don’t suffer from stress, but I am a carrier.

8 – Don’t be irreplaceable – if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

9 – After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

10 – You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

11 – If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

12 – Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”

13 – Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

14 – Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

15 – If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

16 – People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.

17 – At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

18 – When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

19 – When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”

20 – The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

If you want to read some other great jokes, click here. Or to submit one of your own to share with the Starts at 60 community, click here.