A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a very posh theatre. The usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.” Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right, mate, what’s your name?”
“Sam,” the man moaned.
“Where ya come from, Sam?” the cop asked.
With pain in his voice, Sam replied “The balcony.”
A woman was trying hard to get the last of the tomato sauce to come out of the bottle. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
The little girl ran up to her excited with the phone in hand. “It’s the police, Mummy,” the child said to her mother. Before her mother could take the phone the little girl yelled down the receiver, “Mummy can’t come to the phone right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed, “What’s the bad news?”.
With concern, the gallery owner replied, “The guy was your doctor.”