These word play yarns will make your night

On his 80th birthday, Roger received a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a homoeopath who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded to go, he drove to the homoeopath’s office, and after sitting in the car for ten minutes to work up the courage, he finally walked in.

The receptionist greeted him with a warm smile and he nervously handed his gift certificate to her. She took him to a room where the homoeopath sat, she gave him the certificate and left them alone. The homoeopath made small talk with Roger while he mixed a few herbs and ingredients into a bottle. He gave the bottle a shake and handed it to Roger.

“I need to warn you,” the homoeopath said. “This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoon and then say ‘1-2-3’. When you do, you will become more aroused than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want.”

Roger was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4’,” the homoeopath responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not function again until the next full moon.”

Roger was keen to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he quickly took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!”

Immediately, he saw that the homoeopath was not kidding. His wife noticed too and began throwing off her clothes as she asked, “What was the 1-2-3 for?”

And that is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition because we could end up with a dangling participle.

A group of friends were sitting around and comparing their bucket lists. “These ideas are all fantastic,” Judy said. “But what is a once in a lifetime trip?”

Karen spoke first, “The full moon at Diamond Head in Hawaii. It was magical.”

Beth nodded, “That is amazing, but sitting in the hot spas in Japan while the snow fell. That was once in a lifetime.”

Jess scoffed, “I can beat that. You want a truly once in a lifetime experience. Jump out an aeroplane without a parachute.”