Sometimes the most side-splitting yarns are the unexpected ones

Jessica was having coffee with her granddaughter, Samantha, who had just returned from her honeymoon. Being a loving grandmother, but wondering about the future, Jessica asked the inevitable.

“So,” Jessica started, “When are you and that lovely husband of yours going to make me a great-grandma?”

Samantha almost choked on her Chai latte. “Jeesh, Gran, I only got back from my honeymoon. We kinda want to buy a house and get ourselves sorted before bringing in a child. Plus…” Samantha trailed off.

“What is it, love?” Jessica asked concerned.

“Doesn’t it hurt? Giving birth?” Samantha asked shyly.

“I’m not going to lie to you, darling, it did. I was in labour for almost 27 hours,” said Jessica.

“See, that’s the problem. I wouldn’t even want to do something that felt good for 27 hours!” Samantha said sternly.

Jessica choked on her tea laughing.

Every night since he was 30 years old Frank has prayed before bed to win the lottery.

“Please God,” he’d beg, “let me win the lottery.”

The lottery would come and go, and Frank didn’t win. The next week Frank was on his knees again the night before the lottery was drawn.

He prayed a little harder, “Please God, let me win the lottery.”

The next morning he checked the results and someone else had one it. This went on for years with the same result. Finally, in his 80s, Frank bent down to ask again.

“God, I don’t know why you don’t answer my prayers, but please let me win the lotto,” Frank begged.

Suddenly the lights flickered, the ground shook, and a voice from the heavens boomed: “Frank, meet me half way and actually buy a ticket this week.”