Two guys who worked together were both made redundant, so off they went to Centrelink.
Asked his occupation, the first man says, “Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton underwear.”
The customer service officer looked up ‘panty stitcher’. Finding it classed as unskilled labour, she gives him $300, a fortnight’s unemployment pay.
The second guy was asked his occupation.
“Diesel fitter,” he replies.
Since diesel fitter is a skilled job, the service officer gives the second guy $600 a fortnight.
When the first guy finds out, he’s furious. He storms back in to find out why his friend and co-worker is collecting double his pay. The service officer explains: “Panty stitchers are unskilled, and diesel fitters are skilled labour.”
“What skill?” yells the panty stitcher. “I sew the elastic on, and he pulls on it and says, ‘Yep, diesel fitter.’”
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child.
If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed but wondered how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife. “Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange postcard today”. “Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said.
The wife handed the card over and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without”!