Real quotes from police officers 68



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These are actual comments made by police officers:

1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through”

2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while”

3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document”

4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired”

5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you” 

6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket”

9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop”

11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven”

12. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”

13. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can”

14. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail”


15. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here”

What’s the funniest thing a police officer has said to you or someone you know? Tell us below!

Starts at 60 Writers

The Starts at 60 writers team seek out interesting topics and write them especially for you.

  1. My second son was a holy terror, as we were crossing the street he decided to say bugger, as you do when you’re 2, we were getting closer to the gate at the Showand Mum reprimanded him, Scott, that’s enough. I’ll give you to that policeman if you don’t stop this, with a grin all over his cheeky little face, he said, Hey pleeson, I said BUGGER.I thought the policeman was going to laugh himself silly,We did.

    1 REPLY
  2. With a job as rotten as our police have it’s great to see they have such a great sense of humour, loved it

  3. A police officer says to a biker mate what a beautiful motor bike, the biker replies thanks, the officer says Mine if I kick it over, biker says ok, so the officer did
    Kick it over

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