Politically humorous

Someone once said that the word ‘politics’ is derived from ‘poly’ meaning many and ‘ticks’ meaning blood-sucking parasites. Here are a few other good moments that are appropriate for our current environment:

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes
from the poor and campaign funds from the rich,
by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Am Ringer, “the Mark Twain of American Socialism.”

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I offered my opponents a deal:
“If you stop telling lies about me,
I will stop telling the truth about you”.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952

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A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~Texas Guinan, 19th century American businessman

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I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician

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Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city,
it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson, English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris, 1902-1981

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We hang petty thieves and appoint the bigger thieves to public office.
~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author

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Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
~Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher

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Politicians are the same all over.
They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician

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When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become PM; I’m beginning to believe it.
~Quoted in ‘Clarence Darrow for the Defense’ by Irving Stone

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Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel,
go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton, American actor/writer

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What happens if a politician drowns in a river?
That is POLLUTION!
What happens if all of them drown?
That is (a) SOLUTION!

If you want to read some other great jokes, click here. Or to submit one of your own to share with the Starts at 60 community, click here.