Philosophers of the 20th century 14



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Here are some hilarious quotes of philosophers of the 20th century! Which is your favourite?

John Glenn
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

Desmond Tutu
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray’. We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.

David Letterman
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

Howard Hughes
I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I’m a billionaire.

Old Italian proverb
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.

Betsy Salkind
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

Zsa Zsa Gabor
I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.

Jeff Foxworthy
You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.

Prince Philip
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.

Emo Philips
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Harrison Ford
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

Spike Milligan
The best cure for Sea Sickness is to sit under a tree.

Robin Hall
Lawyers believe a person is innocent until proven broke.

Jean Rostand
Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror.

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.

WH Auden
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.

Jonathan Katz
In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.

Johnny Carson
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

Warren Tantum (School photo album)
I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very sceptical.

Steve Martin
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

Jimmy Durante
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

Doug Hanwell
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.

George Roberts
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

Jonathan Winters
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.

Robert Benchley
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

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  1. Thanks for the article. It brought a good chuckle or three. Unfortunately, it left out that greatest of all 20th century humorists, George W Bush, purveyor of some of the greatest one-liners of all time.
    “This is an impressive crowd — the haves and the have mores. Some people call you the elite — I call you my base,” and many, many more! 😀

  2. Everything passes away,suffering, pain, hunger, pestilence. The sword will pass away too, but the stars will remain when shadows of our presence and our deeds have vanished from earth. There is no man who does not know that. Why, then will we not turn ours eyes to the stars. Why? Mikhail Bulgakov.
    Everybody counts or nobody counts. Harry Bosh.

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