How this husband got banned from Woolies

This woman’s husband got banned from Woolies. The reasons why are brilliant.

Dear Mrs Smith:

Over the past six months, your husband Gary has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behaviour and, as a result, will ban your entire family from shopping in any of our stores if even one more incident occurs. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

Three of our clerks are currently attending counselling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr Smith have been compiled and are listed below.

Complaint Department

MEMO Re: Mr Smith – Complaints – Things Mr Gary Smith has done while his wife was shopping:

1. November 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. November 23: Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. December 10: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. January 10: Went to the service desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-by.
5. March 5: When a clerk asked if she could help him, he threw himself down on the floor, began to cry and wailed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone’?
6. March 26: Look right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
7. April 15: Darted around the store, looking around suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
8. July 12: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed, ‘NO! NO! Sheila! It’s those voices again’!

If you want to read some other great jokes, click here. Or to submit one of your own to share with the Starts at 60 community, click here.

Originally published here