Hilarious epitaphs 36



View Profile

Here are some fascinating and hilarious things written on old tombstones:


Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York

Born 1903–Died 1942.

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.


In a Thurmont, Maryland cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.


On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in

East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.

Only the good die young.


In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767


In a Ribbesford, England cemetery:

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent them manna.

Clark Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.


In a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon him for not rising.


In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,

Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.


In a Silver City, Nevada cemetery:

Here lays The Kid,

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw.


A lawyer’s epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange.

Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.


John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,

Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.


In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.


Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont :

Here lies the body of our Anna,

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low,

But the skin of the thing that made her go.


On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees,

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there’s only the pod,

Pease shelled out and went to God.


In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,

As you are now, so once was I.

As I am now, so shall you be,

Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:

To follow you I’ll not consent,

Until I know which way you went.


If you want to read some other great jokes, click here. Or to submit one of your own to share with the Starts at 60 community, click here.

Starts at 60 Writers

The Starts at 60 writers team seek out interesting topics and write them especially for you.

  1. Hilarious??? Must be someting wrong with my funny bone as I only found these epitaphs mildlyamusing ………………

    5 REPLY
    • You know what? You are right.
      See if this can bring a laugh for you.

      A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

      He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

      So he took his costume and away he went.

      The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go to the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

      She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.

      His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished… Naturally, (since he was her husband).

      Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.

      Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

      She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.

      He said: “Oh, the same old thing.. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

      “Did you dance much?”

      “You know, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to.”

      Lol lol lol

  2. An ex-seafaring neighbour once told me of a burial at sea, of one of his shipmates, who had died whilst overseas.
    The deceased was cremated in the country where he died and it was decided his ashes would be scattered at sea.
    So, the ship hove to (stopped) during its journey and a brief service was conducted, with all crew on deck.
    Came the moment for the ashes to be released. A gust of wind came along just as the box was opened, sending the contents over the assembled crew.
    Came a voice “He was a b—–d when he was alive, and he is a b—–d now he’s dead!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *