Calling in sick to work makes my hubby uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate his excuse, he always get the feeling his boss thinks he’s lying.
On one recent occasion, he had a very valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too humiliating. He simply mentioned he’d sustained a head injury, and hoped he would feel up to coming back to work in a few days. By then, he thought he could come up with an excuse to explain the bandage on the top of his head.
His accident occurred mainly because he’d given in to my wishes (nagging) to get a wee kitten.
One morning, he was taking a shower when our kitchen sink blocked. So I shouted to him, “Come out and fix the kitchen sink”.
‘In a minute hen,’ he shouted back.
‘But it’s about to overflow all over the floor’ I persisted.
So out he came, naked and dripping wet; sighing loudly, he squatted down and stuck his head under the sink.
This is the last action he remembers performing.
Suddenly the new kitten struck without warning – she’d discovered fascinating dangling objects between his legs and snagged them with her needle-like claws. He then lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from his undercarriage.
A man in this predicament can only choose the ‘flight’ option. and as he was fleeing straight up into the air, the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded his ascent, knocking him out cold. When he awoke, the paramedics and I stood over him.
Now I imagine there can’t be many things in this life worse than finding yourself lying on the kitchen floor naked in front of a group of ‘been-there, done-that’ paramedics…but somehow he lived through it all.
A few days later he finally made it back in to work, where his colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of him about the head injury.
He kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
‘What’s the matter?’ they all asked, ‘Cat got your tongue?’
If they only knew.