A hilarious and truthful story about hearing loss! 28



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Time may, or may not weary us, but for some of our baby boomer brethren a toll has certainly been taken on our eyes and ears.
I, for one, had six years in the army using BIG, NOISY weapons and machinery. That’s all it took to set me on the long slide into a muffled world of white noise. I sometimes feel it would be easier to explain to others if I suffered total, stone deafness. As it is, we of the hearing-aid brigade usually struggle to make out the upper register. We spend our lives fiercely paddling trying to fill in the gaps so we don’t sound too idiotic when we reply. As time goes on we can’t be trusted out on our own – particularly in shops, banks; well, anywhere really. We’re either unjustly accused of ignoring people when they’ve spoken (not facing) us, or misunderstand and proffer the wrong money/response/facial expression.

It’s a hell of a business.
Perhaps this will clarify things..

(a short play)

Message on answering machine:

“Hi, honey. I’ll be at least an hour late tonight. I’m having sex training lessons with Samantha and the girls from accounts. They’re keen to show me their agility. Love you. Bye”.

The reaction upon arriving home?

JOHN: “Sorry I’m late”
JANE: “Bastard! Pack your bags”
JOHN: “What! Why? What’s the matter?”
JANE: “What’s the matter?! A certain Samantha and her friends, you shit! Sex training lessons, eh? Well you sure could use them!”
JOHN: “Sex training lessons? No, no honey. I said six training sessions”
JANE: “Oh yeah. Then what about the girls wanting to show their agility?”
JOHN: “No, no. After the last training sessions, the girls were all keen to show me their ability”
JANE: “Oh?………oh, I’m sooo sorry, John. Can I get you a drink? Maybe I’ll change into something a bit more comfortable”
JOHN: “Whatsat?”


And then some days later…

JOHN: “Hello. Hello. Is anyone there? Can’t hear a thing – must be the reception. Look, honey, if you can hear this, I’m gonna be a bit late tonight. I’m at ‘Madam Lash for Pain’. Just getting a full, oiled service. Oh, and I suppose I’ll have to complete the deal with the usual enormous whip. Bye”.

The reaction upon arriving home…

JOHN: “Hi, honey I’m home”
JANE: “Mmm. Johnathan, we need to talk. Did you tell me you’ve been at ‘Madam Lash for Pain’, getting a full, oiled service? And completing the deal with the usual big whip?”
JOHN: “Whaat? Hell, no. I said, I was at Adam Cash Ford again, getting fuel, oil and a service. And I’d have to complete the deal with the usual enormous tip”.
JANE: “Riiight……..well, your dinner’s in the oven. I’ll get you a drink”.

A bit later (just audible from the kitchen)

JANE: “Oh, John?”
JOHN: “Yes, honey?”
JANE: “You haven’t forgotten, have you?”
JOHN: “What’s that honey?”
JANE: “Tomorrow’s my girls night out. We’re going to try a new pub – ‘The Duck and Run’. None of us have had a decent duck for years, so we’re all really looking forward to getting served by a professional”.
JOHN: “Mmm. Okay, hun”.


Have you ever had a funny conversation with someone who has hearing loss? What happened? 

David Edwards

David is a long-term traveller, blogger and baby-boomer with a healthy disregard for normal. He has not felt the need to settle anywhere for more than a year or two at a time which means he's having a roller coaster of a life. Fortunately, he's married to Tav – a Scottish Princess with good, solid Romany gypsy blood. It ain't over yet.

  1. Could talk your way into – or out of – anything, David. Ummm, John…!

  2. Yes, must admit as a nearly totally deaf person to nodding my head etc. at the totally wrong things. Personally, I can’t wait to take out my hearing aids because I love my quiet world. One of the best ever inventions for me are sub-titles

    3 REPLY
    • Yes they are great and i use them myself if i am up late and the rest of the household is asleep but i do get peeved when i hear people complan about them and say they are annoying grrr.

  3. I find not hearing properly is the most frustrating part of my life. Particularly when people of normal hearing say, ‘haven’t you got your hearing aids in?’ I am fast falling into not wanting to converse with people.

    1 REPLY
  4. Has it good moments. Not being able to hear. Just take out my hearing aids. But also very frustrating.. esp when there are a few people talking and you are trying to listen. To just one person.

  5. Most maddening thing is a deaf husband nodding and saying “yes” to a request, and then not doing whatever it is because he hasn’t heard.

  6. All my life. People loved playing Chinese whispers with me as I would totally screw it up. Hilarious. Have to keep laughing.

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