Five ways to ease the ‘care conversation’ with your loved one

Discussing the topic of using outside care can often be a difficult conversation to have with your parents or a loved one, but it’s an incredibly important one.

That’s because often there is no such thing as too early when it comes to planning for what you may do when your family member needs extra assistance.

Uniting offers five pointers to help you judge when is the right time to have the chat about getting care.

Don’t put it off until it’s too late

Waiting until your parent or loved is unable to think about their future can be too late. Instead, find a good time when you are not going to be disrupted and sit down with them to chat about what they want as they get older.

A good way to look at this is as though it is a piece of life’s admin that needs to be addressed. For example, it could be discussed when they are drawing up their will. Knowing what they’d like and, more importantly, what they don’t want, can help with decisions you make later.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep

Making a promise to keep your parents in their own home may become a difficult one to keep. And feeling like you’ve failed to keep up your end of the bargain just adds more stress to decisions.

Instead, think logically. Draw up a plan of their desires and tell them you’ll do your best to see they are met. After all, as time passes, situations can change dramatically.

Check in at big milestones

Each time your loved one’s life changes, you need to re-address what their level of needs are.

If their partner dies or they receive a health diagnosis, think about what could make their life easier. Perhaps having a meal delivered or a cleaner visit would be sufficient assistance, or perhaps they need to move into some form of low-level residential aged care.

Make sure these milestones don’t slip by without another consult.

Play detective for their benefit

You are probably the person who knows them best so you should be able to notice when things are changing. Is their home getting messier each time you visit? Is their fridge always empty and they are losing weight? Do you notice them in the same clothes all the time and see they are not doing their washing as often as they used to?

These are all signs that your loved ones might need a little more help. Don’t feel bad – this isn’t snooping, it’s using your observation skills to ensure that your relative is living the best life possible.

Do the research for them

Often people will refuse help because they think it will be too expensive.

Several services are available but they do come at a cost and for those coping on a small pension payment, it can be a little daunting. Instead of letting them dismiss the idea, research the cost and show them that they could afford it. They may change their minds if you can show that it’s feasible within their means.

Have you had to have this difficult discussion with a loved one? How did you handle it?