‘When it came to sex, I thought I knew it all’

When you were married for 20+ years, and you produced six kids, you’d think you’d had a pretty good sex life.

But it wasn’t like that.

The words clumsy, naïve, bumbling, immature and ignorant come to mind.

For my wife and I, the word “fertile” was more in keeping with us. She had only to think about being pregnant, and it happened. After six kids, I figured out how to stop it, but that will be the subject of another post.

Back in the day when marriage seemed like such a good idea at the time, there were no pre-nuptial classes. At least there were none where I lived.

I think in hindsight there should be marriage and sex classes for all those people who like me thought they knew everything. And let’s face it how many of us in our twenties or younger, entering into marriage had much of an idea of what you were in for.

I certainly didn’t, my wife and I didn’t live together until our wedding day. It all started with the best of intentions.

Babies turned up, and we had to deal with them. The learning curve was huge, and we lived away from family, so there was no support in that way, we had to fend for ourselves.

Long days and nights, working and then caring for small babies, took its toll. It was easy to be tired, cranky, non-responsive and just getting through each day was enough.

The romantic side of marriage took a back seat as there were more immediate concerns. The day to day, and the expense of small children, let alone the emotional drain of dealing with them when they were sick – and let’s face it, little kids not only cry but get sick, and they can’t articulate why, and often where.

I think the really sad part is that after a few years of this we forgot about each other’s needs and rather found fault in each other. Bickering is the best word I can think of to describe this.

At the same time as sex and marriage is falling apart around you, there are small children demanding your attention, growing and becoming the people they are striving to be.

In hindsight, I would say I was far too young, far too inexperienced in the world and obviously naïve and immature. There is a lot for having your children later in life, but on the other hand, I have grown with my children and today we have the most amazing adult child/parent relationships.

What lessons have you learned about relationships over your lifetime?