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What’s with all the knickers?

The wedgie – this phenomenon occurs when a person’s underwear or garment is wedged between the buttocks. An uncomfortable situation as those that have experienced such discomfort can vouch for. Of course, not all wedgies occur naturally. The “blokie” thing of yanking your mate’s pants up his bum as an act of affection, humiliation or male bonding is a thing I don’t get.

This entertainment can be witnessed regularly on the footy field and seems to be a favourite tactical manoeuvre of male team sports.

Alas, today I had a wedgie. Probably the result of hasty shopping at Best & Less recently and a bad choice. Why is it there are so many options out there for knickers?

How do we choose what is right for our own personal dimensions? There were bikini briefs, full briefs, sexy, lacy, stretchy, high cut, granny and why have a boy leg? Obviously, I hadn’t done my homework and checked out what was Victoria’s Secret…

As I exited my car at the local art gallery this morning, I realised my day was in jeopardy. Riding high between the cheeks were the latest misfits I had chosen to wear under my jeans. The wedgie was well and truly in place. Running a little late and looking forward to a coffee morning with friends and a tour of the latest exhibition I rode the lift to the entrance while manoeuvring adjustments that I hoped would relieve the situation.

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Alas to no avail. Two scenarios – either the elastic in my new knickers had lost its grip, or my butt cheeks had suddenly erupted from their confined entrapment. A truly uncomfortable predicament.

How do you relax when in the throes of a wedgie? It’s all you can think about. Grin and bear it seemed logical. I just can’t understand how women can wear G-strings; perfectly designed for the permanent wedgie, it puts my teeth on edge and reminds me of dental floss. I’m an old fashioned girl: I like my undies to contain my butt cheeks, not be consumed by them. Definitely not a good look!

Anyway, our ladies’ outing at the scenic art gallery was delicious and titillating, to say the least. The artist’s talk was very informative and interesting, although I hope he wasn’t too distracted by my ants in the pants antics. It was such a relief to get home and un-wedge… and as for my (smalls) dilemma, a problem shared is a problem solved… I’ll say no more!

What are your frustrations in finding the perfect undies? Let us know in the comments below…

 
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