What pisses me off: Cotton avocados, fussy cats and tailgaters

Before I even put finger to keypad, may I remind you that What Pisses Me Off is a blog status designed by the wise people at Starts at 60, to entertain us. It’s a place where a well-meaning gripe can hopefully bring a smile to your dial. As the writer, I do not expect or even want you to solve my dilemmas. They are just a commentary on life. I will solve or endure them myself thank you.

As for the word ‘piss’ if you cant take it, or want to complain, just scroll past to the next post.

‘What pisses me off’ is common Australian vernacular for the things that irritate us. It’s very much part of our everyday speak, not meant to offend and just as much part of our heritage as ‘struth’, ‘b******r me’, ‘hells teeth’, ‘blimey’ and more.

So, WPMO this week is avocados. Two for $4. Okay. I choose using the visual guide the supermarket has kindly put up for choosing the perfect state of ripeness. I get them home and make my salad. All ready to go and waiting for the crowning glory. I open it up in eager anticipation and I’m ready to go, only to be met by the sight of a greying, stringy bit of avocado flesh with a few fingermarks as indentations as well. Mostly it is inedible. I was looking forward to it, and it was a waste of money. It really pisses me off.

I have an elderly cat called Grace. I love her very much and she has been my companion for more than 15 years. We rub along well together. She is my knee warmer, my door greeter, my dawn chorus and my keyboard companion. She will sit on my computer keyboard when I am writing, and walk in front of the screen when I am busy reading. But, and she does have a big butt, she has become a very fussy eater.

She has human standard tins of tuna, but only tuna in spring water. Tuna in oil will not meet her exacting standards. I buy her little pouches of meat and she usually likes these, but lately she gives it a cold and disdainful stare and walks away with a condescending twitch of her tail.

That would be fine if she could cope with being hungry, but she will meow, whine and wail until I find her something that appeals more to her fussy palate. If I don’t she will hide around a corner and bite my leg as I walk past — usually when I am up for my 3am visit to the loo. Those scratches hurt and this really does piss me off.

And tailgaters. Tailgaters really piss me off. I realise that if you have pink frangipani decals on your car and a P plate and you are a female, then you are entitled to go 10km/h over the speed limit and talk on your phone.

I realise you are a supernatural being who will not die, but I am doing my best to stay alive for another two decades or so, as I have a few things I want to do before I go to heaven, so please do not tailgate me.

If you are a young man in a ute or huge four-wheel drive and you have P plates, please do not menace this older lady in the little blue car. I am doing the speed limit. I want to live. I do not need you hurrying me along with your massive big bull bar and LED lights in my back windscreen. We will all get there. I am not in a hurry to die, and if you run into me, I don’t think your insurance will even cover the damage — that is if you even have any.

The speed limit is there for a reason. To keep us safe on the road. Your parents would rather you were alive than dead. Tailgaters really piss me off.

I’m interested in what little gripes really piss you off. Instead of having a go at me, get them off your chest and give us all a laugh.

What things cause you to get upset or irate? Share your thoughts with us.

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