Tobe Frank - a series of unfortunate events

To be frank I’m starting to develop somewhat of a complex. It’s an unfortunate complex too…and I mean literally. 

On no less than five occasions this past month, people have said to me, “unfortunately, at your age…blah blah blah”!

What sort of a conversation starter is that? 

“Unfortunately at your age Mr Frank, abrasions on your leg are going to take longer to heal.”

“Unfortunately at your age you will start to forget things more regularly.”

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“Unfortunately at your age, your body is not capable of doing things your mind might want to do!”

“Unfortunately at your age, it’s not uncommon for you to pee a little if you sneeze unexpectedly.

“Unfortunately at your age you will eventually call your son of 42 years by his actual name but not until you’ve first called him by that of his 27 cousins and the dog.”

Seriously though, at what point does my age become ‘unfortunate’?  Kids pee their pants too, but we don’t refer to their age as unfortunate.  Sure, it’s unfortunate that mum or dad has to change the sheets, but we don’t say ‘unfortunately Johnny, at your age you’re gonna wet the bed every second night’.

And why don’t I get accolades for my battle scars like kids at school do?  ‘Johnny! Hell of a scab there bud…WHOA! WHAT DID YOU DO! Cool man’.  For Johnny it’s a coming of age, for me, apparently, it’s all about my age.

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My granddaughter can remember every line of every song on the latest One Direction album but can’t remember her times tables.  Personally I think that’s unfortunate but they clearly think it’s a rite of passage.  I call one of my family member’s by the name of another and I’ve committed a heinous crime.

Give me a break.  Quite frankly, I’m loving life and living more in retirement than I ever did during my working days.

Fortunately I have a sense of humour and can brush most of these unfortunate events off with a wry smile and a “fortunately, you young 20-something, after I change my pants, I’ll be fishing for the rest of the day while you flip burgers for minimum wage, because you flunked out of Uni or chose a degree to which there are no jobs”.

What’s genuinely unfortunate is that the missus has gone shopping again…and not for the grocery kind.

Unfortunately at your age Mr Frank, the hole in the bottom of the bucket is larger than the one on top.

Have  you ever received an ‘unfortunately at your age…’?  Share it with us.