The Fairytale Hospital

“And now we cross to our Hound News reporter Jim Henderson for this special report”.

“Thank you, Sam. I am speaking to you tonight ladies and gentlemen from the Fairy Tale Valley Hospital. Fairy Tale characters – how much do we think about these special folk? Once the bedtime story is read, the children safely sleeping and the book closed do we think about them or simply cast them aside until the next time we need them? Here at FTVH they do care. Our guide is the hospital administrator Mr Jacob Grimm”.

“Mr Grimm, this is a very special facility is it not?”

“Yes Jim, the hospital caters for all fairy tale folk and was built in honour of my late brother Wilhelm”.

“The building has some special features”.

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“Yes, it is housed in the hollowed out beanstalk that Jack cut down several years ago. A memorial park to the Giant is at the southern end”.

“Sam, I see a famous girl passing. Gretel, Gretel how is your brother, Hansel?”

“Well, he’s bearing up. Overcoming the sugar addiction isn’t easy and I should know. This accusation of witch baking is just a travesty, a travesty. We will be fighting it all the way”.

“I seem to have lost Mr Grimm perhaps he took a different path. FTVH is a place of refuge and help to some very special folk. Mr Grimm arranged earlier for us to speak exclusively to some of these special folk tonight”.

“First was the lead horse that pulled Cinderella’s coach. I understand you’re having some major problems”.

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“That’s true Jim coming down from being a big strong horse to an ordinary mouse ain’t easy. We have issues with that Godmother I can tell you”.

“I’m heading over to the sty to meet the sole remaining Pig. Yes, here he is, I understand you were the owner of the brick house?”

“That’s correct Jim I was always the smart one”.

“But you are also being held at her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts pleasure”.

“That’s right Jim pleaded insanity. Couldn’t stand being cooped up in that tiny house with my brothers. They wouldn’t leave while the Wolf hung around and finally I just snapped. What can I say it was bacon, just bacon”.

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“FTVH treats many special mentally disturbed patients. I was unable to talk with Sleeping Beauty (whose sleep disorder is undergoing therapy) because she was asleep. I did speak to other patients in the Female Ward though they were reluctant to appear on camera. Two Mary Quite-Contrary is being counselled following the renervation of her garden by the TV show ‘Better Gnomes for Your Garden’. Mary-Mary claims her garden isn’t growing now the silver bells are dead, the cockleshells have been paved over and she refuses to say what happened to the pretty maids. Miss Muffet is under hypnosis for her arachnophobia. The other Mary (the one who had a little lamb) is here in hiding. She claims she had to get away from ‘that damn lamb’ always hanging around following her never a moments peace. Sharing a room with Mary is Little Red Riding Hood. She agreed to appear on camera only if she could keep her hood up”.

“I had to leave the house. Granny was driving me crazy with guilt about the wolf and I couldn’t shake that woodsman guy creepy you know. He kept saying it’s not much to ask after all I did for you”.

“In the male ward the patients were more willing to talk. A disgruntled Jack had this to say:

‘Don’t believe what you hear Jill pushed me down that hill and after she nagged, nagged me; ‘help get the water, carry the bucket, you never help round the house.’ I’m suing my mother for medical negligence that vinegar and brown paper she put on my head was no use at all’

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I caught up with Bill the Flower Potman by Pinocchio’s bed.

“Wow, like it’s a sad case man, Dutch elm disease in his nose. He keeps denying it says he’s OK but the nose just gets bigger. Why are you here Bill?”

“I checked in to look after my bro’ you know Ben. He’s not good. It was fine living behind that pot until the Weed started dropping her leaves. Ben picked up one dried in the sun and rolled it. After that we just couldn’t get enough. Wow, man look how the sun shines through his leaves that’s cool man”.

“Our final stop tonight is in a small house where some special people are living. Happy is content looking after the others now that Doc has passed on. So, unfortunately, has Sneezy killed when the tunnel wall collapsed after a last, humongous sneeze. Grumpy is upset about not getting a part in ‘that’ TV show. Sleepy sleeps in the bed and Bashful hides under it. ‘She’ never comes to visit anymore but that’s OK.”

“And that’s it for tonight, a special place for special people. Next time you read a fairy tale, please, give some thought to those special folk who give their all to bring a little joy to our lives. This is Jim Henderson signing off my special report from FTVH. Back to you in the studio, Sam”.

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