Slippery Grip: I could be a great politician!

I was thinking of becoming an MP. They seem to get a lot of perks. If I had to go through the selection criteria…well it might be fiction, but that goes with the territory.

A good head in a crisis: I have seen how some pollies work through a crisis and I’m sure I could do it a little better. After all, I managed to get all my kids to school on time even when they couldn’t find their homework, shoes and stuff, and could whip up a plate of something and a present at the last moment when confronted with a birthday invitation one hour before the event.

A genuine outlook: Gosh, how many times did I genuinely say that the tooth fairy came, Father Christmas liked ice cream and flakes and it was a real bargain honey? I can be as genuine as they come.

Good at leadership: I can delegate with the best of them. There is nothing better than saying, “Look, I’d love to, but well I’m sure you could do it much better”. I can marshal kids at the sports day like a general on the battlefield, and I know how to bribe to get the job done. I also have a list of open ended threats that work well in just about every situation. ‘Or Else’ covers all eventualities.

Answering tricky questions: This might take me back to a ‘head in a crisis’, but tricky questions are my forte. I have fielded questions from my kids about where babies come from, what happens to a scab when you eat it, why does dad have nipples and many more. I’m really good at skirting around the issue, clouding the water and changing the subject.

Ad. Article continues below.

Be prepared to travel: I love to travel. I think this one will be easy. I especially would like to say that I’m willing to go business class. Not everyone needs to go first class and I can be downgraded without having a hissy fit. I’m quite good at airports too. I can amuse myself for hours in airports. I’ve also hitch hiked around the world so I’m used to dealing with all sorts of people.

Making speeches: Well, I’ve made a few in my time. Having teenagers brings out the high and mighty in every parent and I’m no different. I can string a few words together when the need arises and I even know a few jokes; they always go down well.

With all of the above taken care of, I think I would be good at politics. I just need to learn how to make promises I can’t keep, spend more than the government earns, and employ a physiotherapist so I can watch my back while putting up the bunting.


What do you think? Would Hettie make a good MP? Do you have what it takes to be a politician? What are your best qualities?