I was thinking of becoming an MP. They seem to get a lot of perks. If I had to go through the selection criteria…well it might be fiction, but that goes with the territory.
A good head in a crisis: I have seen how some pollies work through a crisis and I’m sure I could do it a little better. After all, I managed to get all my kids to school on time even when they couldn’t find their homework, shoes and stuff, and could whip up a plate of something and a present at the last moment when confronted with a birthday invitation one hour before the event.
A genuine outlook: Gosh, how many times did I genuinely say that the tooth fairy came, Father Christmas liked ice cream and flakes and it was a real bargain honey? I can be as genuine as they come.
Good at leadership: I can delegate with the best of them. There is nothing better than saying, “Look, I’d love to, but well I’m sure you could do it much better”. I can marshal kids at the sports day like a general on the battlefield, and I know how to bribe to get the job done. I also have a list of open ended threats that work well in just about every situation. ‘Or Else’ covers all eventualities.
Answering tricky questions: This might take me back to a ‘head in a crisis’, but tricky questions are my forte. I have fielded questions from my kids about where babies come from, what happens to a scab when you eat it, why does dad have nipples and many more. I’m really good at skirting around the issue, clouding the water and changing the subject.
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Be prepared to travel: I love to travel. I think this one will be easy. I especially would like to say that I’m willing to go business class. Not everyone needs to go first class and I can be downgraded without having a hissy fit. I’m quite good at airports too. I can amuse myself for hours in airports. I’ve also hitch hiked around the world so I’m used to dealing with all sorts of people.
Making speeches: Well, I’ve made a few in my time. Having teenagers brings out the high and mighty in every parent and I’m no different. I can string a few words together when the need arises and I even know a few jokes; they always go down well.
With all of the above taken care of, I think I would be good at politics. I just need to learn how to make promises I can’t keep, spend more than the government earns, and employ a physiotherapist so I can watch my back while putting up the bunting.
What do you think? Would Hettie make a good MP? Do you have what it takes to be a politician? What are your best qualities?