Sex addiction? What sex addiction?

Whenever I hear about the latest male celebrity being treated for sex addiction, I ask myself the simple question: what the hell is sex addiction?

It is a concept beyond my imagination. It boggles my mind. It makes me go cross-eyed. One day I should do some research.

I can understand common or garden addictions, such as tobacco, alcohol, drugs and gambling. I sympathise with people who have those illnesses. But when I hear of a celebrity ‘suffering’ from sex addiction – and, let’s face it, you don’t often hear about non-celebrities suffering from this affliction – I can’t help smirking. Even though I know nothing about the condition.

Sex addiction has become fashionable, hence the growing queues outside Californian sex addiction clinics. Sex has almost become the drug of choice. I suspect sex addiction is now an industry and before long the people behind it will try to convince every man who has an erection that he is a sex addict and requires treatment.

Which brings me to another interesting question. How do you treat sex addiction? Cold turkey? Replacement therapy? Patches? Amputation? My mind is still boggled. No doubt psychotherapy plays a part. I imagine sex addiction is the result of childhood trauma, like most other addictive, compulsive or criminal behaviour. Perhaps it’s time the authorities banned childhood to ensure happy and healthy adults.

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And how do people know they are sex addicts? Where is the line between, “wow, I am getting exactly the right amount of sex” and “oh, no, I’m getting too much and can’t stop”? I suppose that when you fall over that line, it’s too late. On the other hand, I have yet to meet a man who admits to getting more than enough sex. Or indeed, enough sex. Or, in some cases, any sex at all. I am obviously mixing in the wrong circles.

Men must clearly remain vigilant, in case they suddenly become addicted to sex. Alert to the dangers, moderate in their demands and fastidious in their fastidiousness. The consequences of excess are serious and the long term harm is devastating. I don’t know if that is true, but the statement lends itself to this paragraph.

But I digress. Sex addiction. Don’t we have to be addicted to sex? If we weren’t, we might not do it again. We might say, “well, that was interesting,” and tick it off our bucket list and pretty soon the human race would die out. But we are driven to have sex and, as I see it, that’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t consume fossil fuels, there is no carbon footprint, it’s apparently good for us and it’s very inexpensive entertainment (once the initial dating is out of the way). Surely there should be more of it, not less.

I am not advocating compulsory sex. Not yet. That would adversely affect the nation’s productivity, unless, of course, some way of harnessing the electricity generated during sex could be devised. If that were possible, the financial benefits would be tremendous and people could be issued with a timetable to ensure they were plugged into the grid in an ordered manner. People not having sex would either have to pay a non-production surcharge or be matched up to another single in their area, a sort of ‘friend with electrical benefits’. If scientists and engineers are not working on this revolutionary concept, they should be.

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But back to the victims of this terrible affliction. Those famous men who endure the abject misery of excessive sex with multiple partners over an extended period of time. It is hard to comprehend their suffering and anyone with common decency and a charitable heart must feel terribly sorry for them and wish them well on their difficult road to recovery.

The sooner they are cured and returned to society the better.

At least until the next time they are caught.


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