‘My wife’s an invalid, but I have needs so I’m looking elsewhere’

To stray or not to stray?

Monogamy doesn’t always work. 

My name’s Rod. I’m 65-years-old and I have a very strong sex drive. Always have had.

I’ve been happily married to Sue for some 37 years. Sue, 62, is an invalid, crippled with massive pain for some years, unable to be touched. Sex drive zero. In fact, even the thought of sexual activity is repugnant, and any physical contact painful.

So, we haven’t had any kind of sexual activity for well over 10 years.

I had a brief dalliance a few years ago, but it went nowhere, so, only two sexual partners in nearly 40 years.

I went through a period of “looking after myself” for a while, but, as most men will testify, it’s a pretty arid and unsatisfactory experience. Lesson one for ladies – it’s not only physical!

As a horny male, I want (almost said “need”) some sexual outlet. I adore sex with an enthusiastic, funny, earthy partner. Someone who knows precisely what she wants, precisely what I want, and how those two elements come together. What can possibly be more satisfying?

If I had the pleasure of sharing a wonderful time with a woman who is caring for someone, and our experience helped her deal with that, WOW! How happy I would be! That would be absolutely wonderful.

Conventional wisdom says “discuss your needs with your partner”. Well that isn’t going to work, because it has no chance whatever in a physical resolution.

I’m looking elsewhere, because I want an outlet. I don’t love Sue any less, but it may help me deal not only with my needs, but also my ability to cope with the challenges in aiding an invalid wife.

Sue is also very “conventional”. So, (again conventional wisdom) if I ask her if it’s okay to wander, that will destroy the happiness that we have. Only one thing worse than asking, is if Sue says “no”.

My sister, who is a retired counsellor, said “long time monogamy isn’t for the faint hearted”.

So, I’m interested in opinions and responses, from guys and ladies. What is my solution?

Do you have any advice or feedback for Rod?