Facebook and the "merry widow"

It has been eleven months now since widowhood crept up on me. I am only now getting used to that description of myself. My children remind me that I have been many things but never have I been a “widow” before. It sounds so alien but I thought maybe it was time to declare to myself and claim that this is indeed my title. I went one step further and changed my status on Facebook. Big mistake!



I am not a terrific fan of social media but I can see the positive side. I intend to stay relevant for some years yet and need to keep myself out there  so I have a Facebook page attached to my web site and also a social page. I have to admit up until recently I just accepted anyone who approached me, thinking I could expand my network. This has proven to be really interesting and up until now quite legitimate. However, now I have declared my widowhood, everything has changed.

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The excitement has stepped up a notch and I am receiving attractive propositions from the most promising suitors: Harvard graduates with handsomely chiselled mature features, owners of mansions in California, officers in the American army… and so on! Strangely, each of these suitors appears to have some common elements. All are widowers, mmm, they are all in the over sixties bracket so maybe this is possible. Also they are good Christian men who read the Bible! Another common element is a child that was left for them to look after.


Actually none of these features would particularly appeal to me, but they have certainly portrayed themselves as attractive men with fascinating lives. Their self descriptions were very articulate and they have gone to some trouble to find out quite a bit about me so were able to write with some authority about what they thought they could offer. Of course, out of all of the women in the world, I was the one that they were drawn to and I was the one that could make their life complete. Sigh!


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I laugh but can also recognise some dangerous implications. Now, I see myself as a fairly intelligent woman with a lifetime of experiences that have granted me a depth of wisdom, so why would I be so naïve as to allow random people into my inner network?


At this stage of my life I am certainly not looking for another partner, but what if I was in the depths of despair and loneliness and was momentarily carried away by these very clever advances?


The internet has given me the benefit of being able to showcase my business, but when I googled my name, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I was surprised at what was out there in the public eye. I haven’t posted anything there, it just magically appears. Looking through the eyes of my “would be” suitors, I could assume that I was a successful, wealthy woman but sorry guys, it is all an illusion!

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Certainly I am so thankful for the rich experiences of my reasonably long life, oh let’s be honest, my very long life! Still, I am now more wary of social media and the internet and think rather than being Facebook’s “Merry Widow”, I have learned a valuable lesson and hope in the future I can be a “Wise Widow”!


image: AJ Cann


Have you had similar experiences on social media?