The dish mop drainer slides nonchalantly down the kitchen cupboard door. It mocks me meanly as it once again lands with a crash onto the cupboard floor. In spite of the promise embellished on the wrapping, it does not stick. No, indeed, it sure does not. In spite of following instructions: a clean surface, holding it fast for 60 seconds, not filling it up with anything heavier than a pair of yellow rubber gloves, it still taunts me. That crash in the middle of the night when it once again obeys the pull of gravity. The muttering under my breath as I once again press the suction cups into place with a stern admonishment to “Stick you little suckers”, making sure that the red edge (indicator that it is not sticking) is hidden. But alas, this piece of deficient technology does not reign supreme in the line up of useless stuff in my little house. No indeed. There is a list.
There is a corner stainless steel shower caddy festooned with a multitude of suction caps. Its job is no more onerous than to hold a couple of plastic bottles full of shampoo and conditioner. I never ask more of it than that. But alas it too grows weary. The suction cups decide not to suck any longer. And it droops dispiritedly down the bathroom tiles, usually in the middle of the night so that the resultant crash will be assured of waking me from my slumber and confront me with either the thought of an imminent apocalypse or a noisy burglar coming to nick my Tim Tams.
Why is it that things do not do what they are supposed to do? You buy them with the expectation that they will do what they are designed for. Stick firmly, hold things. The shampoo holder’s younger sibling is smaller, and holds only a toothbrush and toothpaste. Its job is to firmly attach itself to the shower wall and stay there also. But alas no. It too stops sucking and crashes to the floor. Ha, then there is the picture hanging howszydoozers which will not come off until you remove them. What a blatant lie. They too grow weary of being stuck on that boring wall and slide down in the middle of the night. I never hang a picture above my bed. I might not wake. They promise not to remove the paint, yet my walls have several nasty little blemishes where they definitely have NOT peeled away when no longer needed. They have peeled O.K., but taken some wall paint as well.
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I don’t ask a lot from life. I would just like things to do what they say they will do on the packet. I want jelly to set, seedlings to grow like the pictures festooned on the packet. I want glue to stick, and I want stains to be removed from whites when the packet says they will be. A small rant, from one who no longer trusts the plethora of promises plastered on packets. Ah, and opening those packets. Soldered together with rigid plastic adhered to tear proof cardboard, they defy the ministrations of the sharpest scissors. I’m off to make a cuppa and to recover in a lather of sweat.
Do you share Karen’s pain? What items in your house don’t do as the label says they will? Share your annoyances with us!