What Pisses Me Off: Sausage scares, varicose vein-haters and mens’ jocks

We’re digging out some reader favourites from years’ past and here’s one of them, an old What Pisses Me Off column. What do you think? Do these things annoy you too?

1.Sausages versus cigarettes. Oh please, the media are at it again stating sausages are as bad as cigarettes. I have never smoked but I have certainly eaten my fair share of sausages during the course of my life and I am going to keep eating them. I might even barbecued one and let it burn and then eat it. Grilled or fried bangers are one of my favourite foods and if the media rubbish was correct and sausages did cause cancer, considering the amount I have eaten, I should be extremely dead by now. The media and their ridiculous beat ups piss me off!

2. I bought myself a couple of pair of knee-length shorts and I am very happy with them as they are cool and comfortable. I was seriously considering buying more until this one particular day I said to Mum, “I am just going to fly up the shop and check the mail”. She said, “Oh please, don’t wear those shorts they look dreadful”! Personally I would have thought the duct tape wrapped round my foot holding a corn pad in place would have been more of an issue for her but no, she hates my shorts because my varicose veins are visible. I do not give a flying fig if people find my varicose veins offensive, they are a part of me! If people don’t like seeing them, too bad!

3. A pair of men’s underpants have been laying on the road for well over a week now. The first time I saw them was on a Thursday morning making me wonder what sort of night was had by the owner because they have Wednesday written on the band. Those poor jocks have been hit by careless drivers and not one driver has shown any concern for them! The entire matter was starting to piss me off then on the very next day while on a different walk I looked ahead and saw something blue under a tree I thought maybe it was an injured bird and as I got closer I could see it was not a bird, it was another pair of mens underpants! Now I know what it means if coins or butterflies appear from nowhere but what the hell does it mean when mens’ jocks keep appearing? If you say I am going to meet the man of my dreams, I have probably already met him and knowing me I probably told him to get lost.

Are there any little things that get your goat like this?