I had tears of laughter running down my cheeks reading a booklet published in America in 1942. It was written and authorised by the United States War and Navy Departments in Washington and issued to American personnel sent to Australia to serve in the Pacific Campaign during World War II.
Its intent was to ‘educate’ US soldiers in Australianisms and to give them at least a basic heads up on who and what we are, as well as our take on the language we both nominally speak. Although well-meant, I don’t believe the booklet had any chance of providing the average Joe much of an insight into us as a nation, let alone as a people.
One section of the book draws comparisons, something I always find odious, but at least it provided a few interesting observations, especially looking back from more than 70 years on. A few examples relate to annual per capita consumption:
Tea: ½lb (US), 7½ lb (Aus)
Coffee: 13lb (US), ½lb (Aus)
Beef: 63lb (US), 112lb (Aus)
Lamb: 7lb (US), 81lb (Aus)
Ice-cream: 19 ½ quarts (US), 4 quarts (Aus)
It goes on to explain that although Australia grows some of the best fruit and vegetables anywhere, the average Australian is a meat and potatoes person. Then, to follow this, it tells what is “… perhaps a libellous story … when you order a meal of meat and three vegetables, the vegetables will be mashed, fried and baked potatoes … but that is probably not true.”
There are any number of inaccuracies, including the blasphemy that “Meat pies are the Australian equivalent of the hot dog.” Seriously!? A second nonsensical travesty is the statement, “… in Melbourne, the substitute for a hamburger is a dim sin [sic].”
The booklet includes a map of the world showing the International Date Line running down the middle of the page. In explanation: “On most maps Australia is shown down the left corner by itself. Most Americans think it’s a long way from nowhere.” (Love the grammar?) It continues: “When it is TODAY on the left hand side, it is YESTERDAY on the right.”
At that point I was disappointed they didn’t include the hoary old chestnut about the need for separate calendars!
Far and away the funniest part of the publication is the attempt by its editors to provide an understanding of Aussie slang. Many of their interpretations are fair or even, perhaps, quaint. Some, though, are abso-bloody-lutely hilarious:
drogo [sic] – an idiot
sheila – a babe
yakka – hard work
zack [sic] – sixpence
bob, deener – shilling
florin – two shillings
shout – buy drinks for the house (I wouldn’t take that too literally, Yank!)
fair cow – it stinks
bonzer – great
gee-gees – horses
snakes – urination
sarvo [sic] – afternoon
trouble and strife – wife
rubbedydub – saloon
shanty – bush house, lean-to
Collins Street Squatter – pretty much what we know as a drugstore cowboy
Pommies – Englishmen
Joe Blakes – DTs, the blues
Buckley’s – a long shot
bushman – a backwoodsman
stockman – cowboy
cow cocky – dairy rancher
jackaroo – a tenderfoot on a cow ranch
stone the crows – oh my
bush – any part of Australia not a city
humdinger – swell
bastard – term of affection (I’d treat that one with a lot of caution, Yank!)
woodenit – a popular term for any form of complaint, frequently followed by ‘root you’. (Reckon you got that one pretty right, Yank!)
barrack – root
root – sexual activity
The mind boggles at some of the permutations. I mean, just take the word ‘root’ as an example. I reckon there’s more than just an occasional footie supporter who’d like to, shall we say, barrack an umpire! And just imagine yourself in 1940s Biloela calling your sheila ‘babe’!
Stone the ****ing crows! “Oh my,” indeed!
I hope you’ve have as much enjoyment reading this as I had relating it. I reckon you have a few funnies to tell relating to newcomers’ difficulty adapting to our lingo.