‘I’m the grown-up now and it’s a sobering thought’

Many years ago when I was a little girl and one of four sisters, there were many grown ups in my family. There were grandparents, parents, aunties and uncles and of course, family friends, teachers and more. Even two of my sisters were more ‘grown up’ than I was.

I would regard them all as being slightly mysterious creatures who, because of their age and experience, must have been very wise and clever. Of course my opinion changed when I became a teenager and by then I thought I knew it all.

As I grew older, my dad was the first to go when I was in my early-40s, and then as a tragic surprise, my older sister died of an aneurysm. I still had my mum and two sisters. Then mum died 10 years after dad. My little sister and I still had our oldest sister alive, although she had chronic illness. We were mothers and grandmothers by the time my oldest sister passed away last year.

One day it occurred to me that, at 64 with my younger sister a sprightly 59, we are the grown ups now. How did this happen?

I still feel about 20 years old although my body does not agree at times, and I regard my little sister as a veritable teenager compared to me. The thing is that my parents and grandparents had all seemed really elderly. True they were decades older than me when they died, but am I really quite ready to be the grown up?

I’m a mum and a grandma, but I know the name of rock bands, am pretty savvy with technology, enjoy organic food, and am fit as a fiddle. I just don’t know if I’m ready to be the ‘grown up’. It’s a sobering thought. I’m now the grand matriarch of my kids and grandkids. Should I get a cane and start smelling of lavender? Should I wear baggy knickers and start growling about ‘young people today’.

I’ve decided it is a rite of passage. Time waits for nobody, and although we may think we can control our destinies, the bottom line is that we cannot.

As I reflect on my life, my decisions both wrong and right, my triumphs and my tragedies I feel pretty darn happy with my new role as the oldest one in my family. Bring it on. I’m going to rock it for all it’s worth and be grateful that I’m loved by both my kids and grandkids and that I’m fit enough and well enough to be the ‘grown up’ I’ve now become.

Have you found yourself in this position? How does it make you feel?

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