'I've long battled depression, but it's worsened with modern life'

"Long ago I stopped watching the news because it was always depressing."

Depression and anxiety have been a part of my life for many many years. A long time ago I reluctantly admitted I needed help. My doctor prescribed anti-depressants and anxiety medication, and at first I resigned myself and swallowed them for twelve months, but I did not like the feeling that my thoughts and moods were being controlled by drugs.

Over a period of many months and against my doctors wishes I weaned myself off them.

Drugs numb, they don’t fix.

I knew I needed to toughen up and learn how to control my thoughts and to accept the ups and downs that the rollercoaster of life throws at me will not always make for a smooth ride. I wanted my life to improve, so I had to improve myself. I started meditation and yoga, and back then life was reasonably peaceful and laid back. I could always recognise when I was falling into a hole which made it easier to snap  out of it .

Fast forward thirty years, and it’s now  a very different world.

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I am back on anti-depressant medication. I also speak to a psychologist to help control my anxiety levels. I am no longer able to recognise when my mood is slipping. I no longer care if  I am controlled by drugs; I prefer numb these days, as it makes it easier to exist in a world that I am no longer familiar with.

Long ago I stopped watching the news because it was always depressing; every day somebody had been stabbed or shot. Paramedics being attacked by the very people they are trying to help, and of course there is the very frightening terror attacks with innocent people being killed in the most horrific ways. So many people are full of anger and hate towards their fellow man. Some people are full of drugs making them think they can do whatever they want with no regard to the innocent that may stand in their path.

A lot is because people have vastly different idea’s and interpretations of what their chosen religion preaches.

Personally I no longer believe in God. I did once, but not anymore.

Have you battled depression or anxiety?

If this article brings up any issues for you, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.